Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Sedikit luahan rasa psl study.

Funny how sblm jumpa SV smlm rasa cam nak mati ajo, sbb ketakutan. Progress mmg ada, tp still tang running this tool still stuck.

Apa2 pon dlm pkl 4 lebih gitu, diskas la psl apa yg aku dah buat and apa yg belom mampu aku buat. Bincang punya bincang, dia bg la one more week to work on this. Dia x concerned sgt, sbb dia kata biasa la tu, ada technical errors here and there. But I still felt like shit la coz dari sblm xmas lagi wat benda ni x sudah2.

Anyway, saki baki meetingnya agak menceriakan aku sbb dari segi LR, aku sudah bole menghabiskan ayat2 yg bakal keluar dari mulut dia. Maknanya, dari segi reading I'm the right track. Oh sukanya! As a matter of fact, ada nama someone yg dia suruh rujuk tu, aku dah baca dah pon and bole bg review dekat dia. Tersenyum simpul SV aku, so brg kali dia dah x tenseion sgt aku x dpt lg run kan tool tu. Hehe, good job. Pat on the head utk diri sendiri. Hik hik... Kalo sapa nak tahu, kami nak venture ke arah Concatenative Music. Kot2 la korg berminat nak read up....

SV also mintak wat a small concept system. Kiranya mcm mock system je la, so as I am not lost for the remaining of my PhD years. With this mock system, semua pon bole mock, mock dataset, x payah optimize any parameters or anything, just prove kan apa input, and apa output. Kiranya mcm wat objective yg kukuh la, dia x mo berckp2 atas angin or hot air semata2. Mcm menakutkan la expectation dia. Tp dia reassure, semua students dia, dia supervise mcm ni and bole pulled thorugh. Semoga aku jua begitu...

Ada juga part aku bg idea 'bernas' aku sendiri, and demonstrate satu laman ni kat YouTube yg mana projek muzik itu telah berjaya, tp SV aku kata, system tu mcm x de intelligence. 'I want something of a more intelligence than that'., kata beliau. Hehe.. malu kejap, sbb mmg pikir punya pikir, oh mmg senang je benda yg aku tgk tu, kalo terror programming la. Mmg x de research input langsung pon, sbb mamat yg buat tu pon create benda tu for fun aje. But still, aku rasa x rugi tgk keja dia sbb at leats I got a clearer idea of what ppl are doing with musical signals, albeit just for fun.

Kemudian kami diskas psl 3 month report kami yg bkl mendatang x lama lagi, and the things I should write down in it. No biggie, as long as I have a preliminary result from this tool. Hopefully, I pray to Thee Oh Allah, I will finally get this tool to run and then I can just plonk in some numbers to see what the output is.

Tp kegumbiraan ku x kekal lama, for hari ni lps diskas ngan member aku psl kat mana silapnya aku, ada beberapa library files still missing, dan tanpa file2 tersebut, x dpt la aku run tool tersebut. Plus, aku rasa mcm sgt budus sbb kwn aku buat dlm sejam lebih aje apa yg aku sangkut for nearly three weeks itu. Oh stupid, stupid, stupid nyer la terasa!

Xpe la, stupid, schmupid... janji I am a whole step further and this much closer to getting this thing executed. Doakan kejayaan aku wokeh?

Disclaimer:
Aku bkn wat post ni utk menunjuk progress ke apa. But my family reads this, and they have always been asking how I am progressing with my study, and it's kinda difficult to give a long answer over the phone, and I usually reply, 'Boleh la...'. I know they want to know more details than that, especially since my Dad pon dah pernah wat PhD, so he's a bit concerned kalo aku avoid soalan2 begitu :P
So Ayah, this is for you. Semoga Ayah n Umi tahu where I stand right now and keep the prayers coming my way!

Anyway, satu lg aku tulis ni utk remind kan diri sendiri my ups and downs buat PhD. Ada hari yg rasa mcm suicidal, ada hari yg rasa on top of the world, biar lah hari tu utk tempoh 8 jam kerja hanya dpt debug satu line je pon. But I want to savour and remember it all. Biar jgn lupa diri esok2 kalo dah berjaya.

That's all. Harap pembaca semua x sangka yg bukan2. I'm sure pembaca2 lain yg tgh wat PhD/MSc atau study apa2 saja mesti bole relate kan? Semoga kita semua dicerahkan hati utk menerima ilmu, dipermudahkan apa jua urusan serta semoga kita semua berjaya dgn apa yg telah diusahakan itu hendaknya. Amin...

7 comments:

iso said...

ooo

MRM said...

Sib baik ada explanation yg seterus seterusnya tu. Takut yang tgh sangkut termakan hati :D

Anyway congrats on your achievements, yeyyy, way to go girl!!! Tu la, sometimes kita rasa mcm tak ada progress, kan. But bila kita nilai balik from day 1 till day X tu, ada progress sebenarnya, provided mmg buat kerja everyday la walaupun skit.

Yup, agree with you. We have to remember the achievements, walaupun bermakna able to figure out 1 line of programming error because those are the things which will motivate us to hold on and never give up everytime we're in research difficulties.

So looks like you are another step closer babe. Good luck on the tool yah :)

Haslina said...

Hi there. I just came across your blog. Don't know you but I know the feeling. Did my PhD in 1998 and finished in 2001. Susah tak tau nak cerita, dengan anak lagi, itu ini. But hang in there! InsyaAllah, akan habis jugak nanti. I wish you all the very best of luck.

Mohd Shakir said...

Apa program? What missing libraries?

sumpit said...

thanks :D

chefadh said...

Happynya baca this entry! tak tau kenapa..but i feel really glad for you..keep it up..takpelah klua da ups and downs tu, namanya pun belajar,kan? cuba ingat balik, dulu2 masa kecik2 pun semuanya terasa susah..belejar mengeja pun ada yg tak betul, orang gelakkan. baca muqaddam pun ada salah2 juga,kan..bersyukur jelah sbb dapat peluang utk belajar tu..enjoy!

Oyis said...

che fadh:
thx che fadh. u r my inspiration!