Monday, December 31, 2007

X de Quota Dah

Aku sedikit down hari ni. Let me tell you why.

Last week, aku amik cuti ari Xmas hingga ke Sunday cdgnya. Anyway, late Thursday evening, aku dpt satu envelope dari Plymouth U. Oh my God, the long awaited offer letter is here!!! Syukurlah, aku ditawarkan unconditional offer utk start PhD in Computer Music starting April 2008.

Esoknya, aku cancel cuti, terus gi Pejabat Dekan and discuss my next course of action. The dean seemed very pleased, and dia cpt2 suh aku hntr application ke Pendaftar. Nevermind that awal2 dulu dia x brape setuju with this uni, coz katanya, quota utk ke UK ni tinggal 2 tempat je lg for the entire instituition where I work, so i got to be quick. He told me there's a CB meeting next Monday so just try and squeeze in the application before Monday morning.

Imagine aku punya perasaan time tu. Sgt2 berdebar, coz dah la quota nak abis, aku lak kena isi punya gile byk borg, sungguh pening! Dlm berdebar2 tu aku terpaksa mengingatkan diri utk cool, chill and relax, takut2 effect kat baby. We all know that stress is not good for the baby. Even worst, proses mengisi borg ni byk memerlukan dokumen difotostat, dan malangnya kat opis aku ni, semua mesin fotokopi berada di tingkat bawah. Maka terpaksalah aku berjln dgn berhati2 nya turun bwh naik atas, turun bawah naik atas, utk fotostat 1001 dokumen.

The entire weekend aku x dpt tido nyenyak. Asyik la terpikirkan nasib borg aku ni. Ada x quota? Dah abis ke?

On Monday tu aku rushed la hantar kan borg ke Dekan utk dia bawakan ke Mesy CB. Alas, nasib x menyebelahi aku, ptg nya tu Dekan panggil aku ke bilik dia, bgtau the bad news. QUOTA KE UK DAH HABIS!!! Ha? As in habis licin. And aku missed it by one person only.

Ya Allah, sedihnya hati aku masa tu. Aku rasa cheated pon ada gak, sbb aku dah try sedaya upaya utk buat permohonan cpt2. As soon as aku abis MSc aku dah start cari2 tempat semua, but mungkin x de rezeki aku agaknya. Anyway, nama aku diletakkan on the top of the waiting list la... Huhu...

Namun aku tetap bersyukur sbb walau apa pon outcome dia, I still have something even more bigger event to look forward to. Something yg x ternilai pon kalo nak dibandingkan dgn setakat peluang belajar kat UK, the one where I can almost say, been there, done that (minus the PhD part la). And demi baby yg tgh growing in my belly, I will not stay upset for long. X elok. What I WILL do, though, is fight my way through all this and plead my case until betul2 la I can't fight no more.

And as many people have tried to coax me, 'Ada tu quota baru, Insya Allah rezeki anak tu nanti, sampai juga impian kamu tu...'

Masin mulut org sekeliling, makbul la juga doa mereka tu hendaknya. Amin...

Sunday, December 30, 2007


You are now in your second trimester! Your baby's crown to rump length is 3.2 to 4.5 inches long and he weighs approximately 1 ounce now. Your baby is about the size of the average fist. Now that you are into your second trimester, you may be starting the best part of your pregnancy. You will probably start to feel more energetic and you may get the `pregnancy glow`. Your uterus is beginning to swell week by week and you can follow its progress by locating the top of the uterus. The position of the top of the uterus will continue to gradually move up your abdomen, from beneath the pubic line to above your navel. Maternity clothes are probably necessary now. At this time, your baby's face is becoming more developed. The cheeks and bridge of his nose appear and the ears move from the sides of his neck to much higher on his head. The eyes continue to come closer together. A big development from this week onward is the development of lanugo. Lanugo is the fine hair that grows over almost your entire baby. The hairs grow in whirled patterns that follow the grain of his skin. These patterns later give way to your baby's fingerprints. The lanugo will be shed before birth and replaced by thicker, coarser hairs. Your baby's thyroid gland has matured and starts to produce hormones. If your baby is a boy, the prostate will appear and the ovaries descend from the abdomen into the pelvis in baby girls.


Saturday, December 29, 2007

2nd Clinic Visit

Note: 29/12/07.Gestational Age: 13 Weeks 6 days. EDD: 29/06/2008.
Grow Baby Sayang, Grow!

Hari ni tiba masanya utk monthly checkup lg. Kitaorg maintain dekat Klinik Penawar, bawah Dr Sy. Kitaorg sampai tu dah dekat pkl 11 pg dan dah x ramai org.

First things first, as usual, amik sampel air kencing. Bagus, no glucose, hormone hcg still present. Then scan. This part mmg a bit fobia sket, but considering dah end of 1st trimester, rasa teruja pon ada jugak. Once I saw the tiny little being on screen, rasa relieved yg amat. Kalo ikut date, aku dah end of Week 13.

Dr Sy tunjuk kat aku n Hubs jantung baby berdegup2, so jantung baby okay, katanya. Tp pada mata kasar aku yg untrained ni, mcm x dpt nak pastikan sgt, but I'll take his word for it. Yg nyata, baby dah jauh membesar dari last month. Lebih menarik lagi, dia ada gerak2 la sket tgn dia. They say baby at this stage dah bole gerak2 dlm amniotic fluid mak dia, tp mak x kan perasan lagi. I'll take the hand movement as a wave for us la. Tp Hubs kata dia x perasan la plak. Huh...

Lepas dah puas ati scan tu, Dr Sy tanya aku nak resume buat monthly checkup kat sini ke nak ke tempat lain. Aku ckp, sini pon OK. So, dia bukak kan buku merah utk aku, ala... yg standard2 mcm kat klinik ibu mengandung biasa tu la kan. Masa ni dia amik timbangan berat aku, 65 kg. Wah, dah naik 2 kg drpd aku nyer non-pregnant weight dulu. Terkejut juga aku, sbb dlm muntah2 x selera nak mkn pon bole gain weight ke? Dr Sy x terkejut, dia kata, awal2 ni water retention, it's very normal. Ok la..

Then dia amik BP aku, 128/78. Normal la tu. Aku sebenarnya disuruh fasting dari smlm, sbb hari ni nak amik darah, Dr Sy nak check haemoglobin and run a few tests. Hisy.. aku bab jarum marum ni mmg x suka. Dari dulu suruh nak cari salur darah. But mengenangkan sayang kat baby and these tests are necessary (and Hell, byk lg la kesakitan yg bakal menimpa sblm aku dipush masuk ke labour room tu), I might as well get used to it all from early on. Heh... So aku pon surrender la.

Dr. Sy siap2 kan jarum dia. 2 picagari lak tu. Aku kata, 'byk nya nak amik darah, sampai 2 botol?', sampai sengih2 nervous. Ketakutan has crept in. Dr Sy kata, 'X pe, yg saya amik ni, x sampai 5% pon total darah dalam badan.' Chesss...

Yg peliknya, Dr Sy amik darah ni, sket pon x sakit. Almost x terasa. Lps abis sumer2 tu, Dr Sy suh dtg next Saturday utk collect result bloodtest ni and off we went la with a month's stash of obimine in hand.

Dlm keta aku dok puji2 Dr Sy dekat Hubs. 'Sikit pon x sakit, Bang...' blah blah blah. Sampai berbulu Hubs, siap dia tempelak, 'Amboi... mentang2 Dr hensem, amik darah pon x terasa sakit..' Heheheh... Ni nak bgtau sket, amongst my 2 lg pregnant buddies kat opis tu la kan, kitaorg sumer gi bwh Dr Sy ni, and secretly behind his back panggil dia Dr yg hensem2 tu... hehehe.... A bonus la tu... sampai injek pon x sedar hehehe...

P/S: Selepas appointment dgn Dr Sy, kitaorg pegi survey Hospital Az-Zahrah and Hospital An-Nur, saja, suka2. Thing is, I totally what the date today was, and I'm glad I forgot, else x mungkin aku menjejakkan kaki ke area2 near situ. I'm glad today wasn't such a big deal for me ad Allah mmg buat aku lupa what happened this time last year. It made it so much easier for me to get through the day, not to mention betapa blessed nya aku bila instead Dia berikan aku peluang utk melihat tumbesaran anak aku dgn sihatnya sebentar td. Segala puji bg Allah.....

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Monday, December 24, 2007

Who says morning sickness ends after the first 12 weeks?

Dah past Week 12 dah ni... Sungguh tipu!!!!!
(But still greatful, cuma pointing out the truth that it isn't necessarily so)

Sunday, December 23, 2007


This is the last week of your first trimester and your baby weighs 14 to 20 grams. The crown-to-rump length of your growing baby is 2.6 to 3.1 inches. Your baby is now about the size of a peach. Fetal growth is amazing from now through about the 24th week of pregnancy. At this point of your pregnancy, there is a steady flow of pregnancy hormones in your bloodstream. Your body will adjust to the changes and morning sickness might stop and other early symptoms will begin to ease. Because the second trimester is approaching, feelings of anxiety or nervousness may also diminish. You have probably gained some weight by now. You are losing your waist and your clothing is probably fitting snugly.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Selamat Hari Raya Qurban

It's hard not to think of what happened last Eid, but as Eidul Adha is a day of celebration for all Muslims worldwide, I try to think of all positive thoughts and push aside all that is negative. Besides, this Eid celebration is in remembrance of how Nabi Ibrahim passed a huge test which was bestowed upon him by Allah SWT, regarding his beloved son, Nabi Ismail. What I'd gone through last Eid seemed so miniscule to even compare. I just hope that I didn't fail miserably on the test Allah has given me. And I am just grateful that in a span of one year, He has graced me with another leash of new life, a second chance even. Thank you, Allah..

Happy Eidul-Adha to All..

Sunday, December 16, 2007


Your baby's crown-to-rump length is almost 2.5 inches and she now weighs between 8 and 14 grams! In just three weeks, your baby's size has more than doubled and begins to look a lot more human. Even though you won't be able to feel your baby moving at this time, you can stimulate him and he will squint, open his mouth and move his fingers or toes.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

1st Shopping Trip for Maternity Items

Hari ni aku n Hubs pegi Jusco, Equine Park on a mission - to purchase some new maternity clothes for me. Whoo-ey!

Ini merupakan kali pertama aku membeli belah baju maternity. I don't know if it's too soon, but what I do know is that most of my regular clothes no longer fit. Baju kurung yg aku pakai gi keja tu, meh aku bgtau satu rahsia, sebenarnya dah lama aku x cangkuk hook kain dia, heheh, tinggal zip sekerat jln je. Nasib x pernah ada mishaps apa2 hihihi... Ini tips dari Fadhlina la nih hehehe...

Anyway, Jusco was packed to the brim sbb tgh year end sale. Aku baca2 kat online forum ibu mengandung yg jenama Scarlet ni affordable la berbanding kebanyakan yg lain. Juga tempat yg OK ialah Warta and also kat Nilai. Memandangkan aku ni org kebanyakan aje, dan bukannya org yg ada2, maka aku follow la advice ni. I'll be God-damned la kalo nak shopping kat ModernMom yg overpriced tu, dah la design nya mmg x menutup aurat, sungguh x sesuai ... at least x sesuai utk aku la ...

Back to shopping. Apasal la dlm byk2 brg yg dijual secara sale tu, maternity clothings x termasuk? Makes you wonder what Jusco has against pregnant women. Discriminating beyond belief sungguh. Nak x nak terpaksa la pay in full price. Utk first shopping trip ni, sempat la aku beli sehelai maternity blouse n sehelai maternity pants utk wat gi keja. Konon nak try test dulu, nak amik feel. Pas tu tambah lg 2 helai maternity T-shirts. Satu tu kaler neon pink, satu tu kaler cyan. Yg bestnya, kat sehelai T-shirt tu siap ada tulis 'I Love My Baby' and sehelai lagi, 'Naturally Mama'. Chewah... Ni yg x sabar nak pakai nih...

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Babydust to You

I have a good friend who has dealt with a miscarriage before, and I believe that bcoz of the same experience that we shared, we grew closer. Today, I did one of the hardest thing ever.

I told that friend that I am currently P.

Man, I can't even say the P-word in front of her out aloud. It would've been so much easier if we were in it together as pregnant buddies. There's no easy way around it.

She took it well, better than I would've taken it had the situation were the other way round.
Know this my friend....

I am sending you lots and lots of
your way


I pray that you will get your

real soon. Insya Allah.


Sunday, December 9, 2007


Your baby continues to grow and is now approximately the size of a large lime! The crown-to-rump length of your developing child is 1.75 to 2.4 inches. The weight of the fetus is approximately 8 grams at this point. The growth of your baby is phenomenal now and your baby's length will double in the next three weeks. The head is grossly out of proportion and is almost half of the baby's length.


Wednesday, December 5, 2007

MySEC or My Sick?

Di kala konferensi MySEC rancak berjalan, begitu jua rancaknya keadaan morning sickness aku nih. Walau bagaimanapun, aku cukup berbangga and happy sbb the Gendang Geng did their very best la pada pagi perasmian tu. Pada aku, x de cacat celanya dah, but Wan rasa kurg fluent la flow dia. X pe, cam2 ne pon tetap best. Cuma yg kelakarnya, an avid member, Azree, yg x pernah ponteng latihan tu, tup2 pg tu x de. Rupanya dia pi volunteer nak pickup speaker pg tu dekat airport pkl 7 pg, but somehow flight speaker tu delayed. Last2, terpaksa la performed without him. Sian Azree. Dia punya la pecut sampai ketar2 speaker tu dlm keta dia just to make it back in time, tp kitaorg dah jln dah... Ralat la plak. I wish I could post a pic here of us performing, tp pic tu dlm PC lg satu, terasa kemalasan benar nak gi amik. Sorry la yeh.

Overall, aku rasa konferensi ni berjaya. Malangnya aku x dpt nak masuk all sessions coz the 1st day aku sibuk ngan urusan pergendangan ni la. The second day, aku mmg rasa mual2 aje slalu, nak concentrate pon payah. So aku lebih senang lepak2 kat luar dewan je la. Food dia? Wah... kaw-kaw. Ketam ada, spaghetti ada, lauk mcm2 x soh citer la, x masuk bab dessert lg. Hari 1st tu aku mkn x ingat nyer. Balik umah, terus muntah kuar semua balik sampai lembik. Padan muka aku. So hari seterusnya tu aku mkn beringat2 sket la.

Syabas buat semua yg menjayakan MySEC. Aku ni tukang menempel last minit je. Wish I could've done more, tp aku buat apa yg terdaya saja la. Moga MySEC yg akan dtg lebih best lg. And kalo pon masa tu aku dah sambung blaja kat tempat lain, at least ada mereka2 yg kat Fakulti tu yg bole take over jd instructor, sekiranya khidmat geng gendang diperlukan lg utk wat perasmian. Hehehe...

Sunday, December 2, 2007


At this point of your pregnancy, the crown-to-rump length of your developing baby is 1.25 to 1.68 inches. It is now easier to tell how much the baby weighs since he is beginning to put on some weight. Your baby weighs approximately 5 grams and is the size of a small plum! The baby has grown an incredible amount during these past few weeks, but you still aren't showing too much yet.


Wednesday, November 28, 2007

1st Ultrasound Pic

Hari ni kira2 genap sebulan la since last check up. Tghari td pegi la skali lg ke Klinik Penawar tu. Sblm ni Dr Sy dah suruh dtg dlm jangka masa seminggu slps 1st visit ari tuh, tp aku tangguh2 kan atas dua sebab. Yg pertama, aku n Hubs x sure sama ada nak continue antenatal checkup ni kat klinik ke, kat specialist ke, kat klinik kerajaan ke. Secondly, aku sendiri masih dibayangi kisah silam aku, yg mana aku pegi 6 weeks nmpk heartbeat, 8 weeks ok lg, suddenly 10 weeks dah x de. So aku tunggu masuk 10 weeks utk pegi scan for the very 1st time. I needed to gather my strength first before I can go through it all over again.

But today was the day I decided we should have our first ultrasound. And we caught a glimpse of this little fella for the first time. Our baby. Growing amazingly in my belly. Maha Kaya Allah.

Note: 28/11/07, 13.58 p.m. Singleton, Crown to Rump Length (CRL): 25 mm. 9 weeks 5 days. Estimated Date of Delivery (EDD): 27/06/08. Hearbeat going strong.

Membesar dgn sihat n sempurna ye sayang. Mama n Ayah love u very much. Alhamdulillahi Rabbil 'Alamin.

Sunday, November 25, 2007


Your baby now is about the size of a medium green olive. The crow-to-rump length is 22 to 30 mm and the baby weighs 0.12 ounces. Although the baby is still very small, it is beginning to look more like a human being. Your baby's back is straightening out and the tail is shrinking. In proportion to the rest of his body, the head is large and remains curved forwards onto the chest. The head is erect and the neck is developing well. Even though your baby's eyes are well developed, they are covered by a membrane lid. The eyes will not begin to open and close for quite some time still. Your baby will begin to make tiny movements as the muscles start to develop. You will not be able to feel any of these early movements, but you might be able to see them during an ultrasound. The arms and hands are progressing faster than the legs and feet at this point. By this time of your baby's development, the hands have defined finger ridges and the tissue between them will die off to leave separate fingers. It is impossible to distinguish a male from a female at this time because external genitalia look very similar at this point. Your blood system will change during pregnancy and blood volume will increase by 50%. The increase in blood is important to meet the demands of your growing uterus. Blood volumes will begin to increase during the first trimester and will continue to rise throughout the entire pregnancy. The increase in plasma can cause anemia, which will cause you to feel tired or weak.


Saturday, November 24, 2007

Now the Whole Department Knows..

This week has been a busy one. Semua staf menghadiri Bengkel LO di hotel, woo hoo... best nye dpt tukar environment for a change.

At this point aku dah x drive keta dah, atas alasan aku pregnant, ngehhehhe... usually aku tumpang org je skang. Mual2 tu all the day ada, especially time lunch, which is tersangat la sayang coz lunch buffet kat hotel ni best2. Tp nasib baik hotel ni provided never ending supply of gula2 mint, so spjg bengkel aku dok mkn gula2 tu je la to get through the day.

Aku mmg x berapa produktif dlm perbincangan. One thing, aku mmg kepenatan, fatigue la bak kata omputih. A common symptom of pregnancy. Dah la tido mcm x berapa cukup sbb dlm satu mlm tu, ada la sekali dua bangun nak buang air kecil. Again, a common symptom of pregnancy. Tapi lepas dah gi toilet tu susah plak nak tido. Tu yg wat penat lebih tu.

Secondly, aku mula terasa betapa sunyi nya jabatan aku without the usual crowd; Mas, Iezma, Nabil, K Dlyn. Diorg sumer dah sambung PhD. Si Azri plak tgh bercuti pegi scuba diving ke snorkeling. Sungguh x de geng.

Oleh sbb aku nmpk spacey satu mcm tu, senang la staf2 lain teka yg aku pregnant. Aku iye kan aje la, dah betul kan. So diorg pun x de la bg workload yg melampau kat aku, hehehe... relax sket. So gitu la aktiviti aku dalam tiga hari berturut2 tu.

Mlm Jumaat nye plak, Sake dtg umah ngan wife dia, Ummu yg tgh pregnant 6 1/2 bulan. Diorg nak ke Penang esoknya and then nak gi majlis kenduri Jahar. Aku dapat jemputan gak, tp x gi la, sbb masih baru2 lekat ni. Aku kirim aje la sumbangan sket melalui Sake utk Jahar n Ida. Semoga diaorg berbahagia hingga ke akhir hayat... amin..

Saturday, November 17, 2007


Before you were pregnant, your uterus was about the size of your fist. However, by 6 weeks of pregnancy, your uterus has grown to the size of a grapefruit! Your baby is developing at an amazing rate during these early weeks. Eyelid folds and ears are forming. Your baby's eyes are still very wide apart on the sides of her head, but will eventually center themselves out. The tip of the nose is actually present at this time as well. On ultrasound you can see that the aortic and pulmonary valves of the heart are present. The tubes that lead from the throat to lungs are branching and your baby's torso is getting longer and beginning to straighten out. Just a few weeks ago, your baby's arms were tiny buds. Now the elbows are actually present and the arms and legs extend forward and have grown longer. Fingers and toes are becoming visible also.

Friday, November 16, 2007

It's Puke Fest

I must have some kind of fascination with puke la, coz ari ni pon nak citer psl puke lg. Ah... these are the things that makes a pregnancy special...

Aku skang mmg kali naik keta aje dah x tahan, mmg nak rasa muntah. Bukak air con salah, x bukak lg salah. Even dok kat opis pon, kejap2 kena kuar dari bilik aircon tu, sbb mula la rasa mual, loya, semua ada. Selera nak mkn pon x de. Kdg aku amik lauk ikan kering ngan kuah je. Yg tu je bole telan, yg kari2 ke, asam pedas, masak merah ke, semuanya buat aku nak terbelahak je.

It got even worst la utk mkn mlm. Selalu gak aku tido x mkn, sbb mmg lepas muntah maghribnya tu, dah x de tenaga nak turun makan and x de selera nak tgk nasi. Hari ni hari Jumaat, ada pasar mlm, so Hubs ajak aku beli terus la mkn mlm.

Tgk itu, tgk ini, semua x selera. Last2 aku beli Kebab. Balik umah aku terus mkn, kononnya nak mkn sblm rasa nak termuntah tu dtg. Bijak... bijak... cumanya, perasaan loya tu tetap dtg maghrib nya tu, dan aku tetap muntah. Masalahnya, this time aku x ready, maka termuntah la dlm sink instead of the toilet bowl. Kuar abis ketulan2 daging kebab td. Lebih teruk lg, sbb daging2 tu quite chunky, nyaris tersumbat sinki tu. Terpaksa la aku korek balik n kaut daging2 tu guna tgn. Waaaa... geli weh... who would've guessed kebab ni sungguh berminyak. Abis tangan aku kiri kanan berminyak. Dah la aku x larat nak berdiri, kena cuci sinki lak tu...

Tobat aku x nak makan kebab lagi ... at least sampai this mental image is out of my head la..

Susah eh nak jd mak org? Oleh itu, jangan la derhaka pada ibu kita. I have a new found appreciation utk semua mereka yg bergelar ibu. Tabik aaahhh... especially yg alahan teruk2 sampai masuk wad semua. Aku ni kira average je. Tp semua ni aku terima ngan redha n hati terbuka. Asal semua sihat n selamat sudah... amin

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Most Pahit of Them All

Hari ni praktis lagi pergendangan. Bebudak ni cepat pickup, main pon OK la memandangkan dlm sejam lebih je praktis sehari, 2 hari seminggu. Tp kdg aku yg x tahan mengajar nih, sbb apa, kalo ketuk ikut suka ati je, naik pening kepala aku, but I blame the hormones la. Especially kalo x psg aircon tu kan, isyy.. panas semacam je. But most of the time aku tahan2 kan aje perasaan x selesa tu. Nasib baik la buat sesuatu yg kita minat, kalo buat benda yg x minat lg sengsara agaknya.

Anyway, prektis hari ni abis pkl 12 lebih tghari. Hubs dtg amik, ajak aku mkn sama. Ok la tu. Problemnya, lately ni cuaca panas terik sgt, and aku kalo travel time2 panas gini, mula la rasa mual x pasal. Dah la pg td x sempat mkn rasanya.

2,3 kali aku dah ala-ala nak termuntah tp sempat men'stop'kan diri. Hubs gelak aje, panas betul ati aku. Ingat main2 ke. Dia ckp, nak muntah, muntah aje la. Aku skang mmg travel bawak plastik kecik dlm beg tgn, wat spare utk muntah. Last2 aku give up la, x tahan sgt dah, aku hambur aje segala yg nak kuar tu bg kuar. Uweek!

Mula2 tu ingatkan aku muntah air oren, sbb aku sejak pregnant ni suka sgt minum air jus oren Peel Fresh tu. Skali baru teringat air oren aku dah abis, pg td x de minum jus. And a split second later, dtg la rasa pahit yg amat sgt dari dlm anak tekak aku. Adoi... air yg ke'oren-orenan' tu air asid perut la, sbb x de mknan sedari pagi.

Pergh... gile pahit x ingat nyer... Sabar, sabar...

On a higher (and more dignified) note, aku dah dpt surat kelulusan senat ari ni. Officially, aku sudah menjadi seorg graduan Ijazah Master, Alhamdulillah!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

It's Here

The morning sickness, that is.

It crept slowly last week. Little by little. But this week, it kinda turned into a habit. I puke every single day. Usually around Maghrib time. Not that I'm complaining. It's kinda exciting to finally have some pregnancy symptoms. Really. At least I know the hormones that sustains this pregnancy are going up and good. To me, this is a real blessing.

But man, does it drain the energy out of you. I'm pretty much sapped out after a good puking session. Blurgh!

Note to self:
During this few weeks, please avoid Asam Pedas and Tauge. The chillies from the Asam Pedas do not go gentle on the throat when they come back up. As for the Tauge, well, being resurrected from the pit of the stomach as whole tauge really just grossed me out. Brrr...! {shivers}

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The Gendang Gang

Ntah mcm mana aku bole bersetuju plak nak jadi AJK utk MySEC. Walhal aku dah bercadang dah untuk memalaskan diri masa awal2 pregnant ni. Nak2 aku baru abis MSc, konon nak berehat la kan. Aku rasa, partly bcoz aku nak tolong sbb workload aku berkurangan sket sejak dah siap MSc ari tu. But the bigger reason was bcoz aku di'assign'kan di Bhg. Protokol, bhg yg aku paling suka skali la kalo bab2 AJK nih.

Selain menolong buat buku cenderahati n surat sket2, keja paling best dlm protokol ni ialah buat sambutan masa majlis perasmian tu nanti. Aku berfikir2 dlm kepala songsorg, alangkah best nya kalo geng2 spt K Sal, K DLyn, Mas, Iezma or Ina ada kat sini. Dah tentu cukup korum dah nak wat aktiviti2 cam nih. Last2 aku confided Wan, sorg lg staf kat sini yg terlibat ngan MySEC ni la. Wan is a very talented musician, so of course dia sgt2 excited masa aku propose nak wat Perarakan Masuk pakai paluan peralatan pergendangan Melayu. Alhamdulilah, dalam mesyuarat cadangan aku ni diterima baik, provided that aku settlekan semua la.

Wokeh. Aku yg dah naik sheikh ni pon single-handedly contact la Jabatan Muzik, wat surat rasmi la, negotiate mcm2 la supaya kitaorg bole praktis n pinjam alatan dari sana. Lepas sumer tu beres, tinggal nak merekrut ahli pergendangan dari kalangan staf, nak jimat budget la katakan.. aku x nak la dgn pertambahan idea aku ni terpaksa org yg dah bertungkus lumus wat perancangan kewangan MySEC tu pening nak add a few hundred / thousand RM. Kalo duit mmg ada, senang citer, aku bole call aje geng lama.

Bab merekrut ni aku x sangka ramai gak willing. Dlm kesuntukan masa tu dapat la more than enough ahli: Aku, Wan, Azree, Azri, KA, Azura, En Taufik, dan En Razali. Rata2 bg komitment yg hebat plak tu. Tinggal kdg2 tu ada beberapa member yg slalu lambat. Haa... tu pening sket aku nak nguruskan sbb nya aku malas nak turun naik cari diorg dlm keadaan aku pregnant nih. Terpaksa la menahan sabar sket, x nak nnt perangai pemarah aku tu dapat kat baby.

Dan aku awal2 lg bgtau diorg yg aku ni berbadan dua, so bab2 nak hangkut alat tu minta maaf la ye, aku minta pengecualian... hehe. Other than that, practice went smooth for most times. Tak tahu la besok2 baby berminat ke x dgn alat tradisional Melayu. Aku main gendang anak, and aku rasa baby mesti bole dengar kot sbb alat tu dipangku atas peha, dekat dgn belly... hikhik...

Aku rasa beruntung la jugak terlibat dgn some kind of activity mcm ni, sbb secara x langsung nya aku dpt kenal ngan lebih rapat staf2 yg selama ni aku x kenal sgt. Happening sakan geng ni wooo... Paling best dapat menyumbangkan sikit ilmu muzik tradisional melayu kat kawan2 sambil menjalankan tugas aku sbg AJK MySEC. Kira killing two birds with one stone la... hehe

Sunday, November 11, 2007


This week your baby has an amazing growth spurt. At the beginning of this week, your baby is approximately 4 to 5 mm and by the end of the week it has more than doubled to 11 to 13 mm! Your baby weights approximately 0.03 ounces. Most women are ready for the world to know they are pregnant. Even though you have not changed very much yet, it will come soon! You might have gained a small amount of weight by now, but it should only be a couple of pounds at this time. It is not unusual to lose a few pounds or remain the same though. Internally, cervical mucus is thickening and will form a plug in the cervical canal. The plug seals your cervix throughout the pregnancy and it will be expelled prior to delivery when your cervix begins to dilate. Your baby's leg and arm buds are longer now and they have divided into segments where the hands and feet will be. The hands and feet also have an area where the fingers and toes will begin to form. At this point of your pregnancy, the heart is bulging from the body and it has divided into right and left chambers. The brain's hemispheres are continuing to grow and the air passages into the lungs are visible. Your baby's eyes are beginning to get pigment. The nose is developing and the beginning of the face can be seen. The baby's abdomen is developing quickly and the appendix and pancreas are already present. Your baby's digestive tract is beginning to form and the hindgut is present. The shape of the talk can still be seen, but it will fade in 3 or 4 weeks.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

1st Friend To Know

My office mate ET invited me over to her new apartment during lunch. She was having some guys from the furniture store to deliver a nice fancy couch to her apartment and she didn't want to be home alone when they came. 'Not a problem', I said.

The ride to her house was quite a bumpy one, with potholes and street bumpers scattered all along the way. Throughout the trip, we must've had some kind of animated conversation and ET, being excited, drove like she was driving a 4wd instead of a Kancil, so I had to tell her to go 'gentler' on the bumpers. To which she replied, 'Oh sorry. You're not pregnant, are you?'

I couldn't say No, could I? Besides, if anything, she's the closest person at the office so I might as well let it out. Okay, so officially, ET was the first in my group of friends to know.

Now that the truth was out, ET drove very carefully. And at her apartment, she wouldn't let me lift a thing. She even went as far as cooking lunch for me whilst waiting for the guys to get there. Yum, yum... All I had to do was be there to make the safety in numbers theory work. Hehehe....

Monday, November 5, 2007

1st Ngidam Experience

Ari ni lepas balik keja tiba2 aku terasa suatu keinginan yg amat kuat utk mkn sate. Keinginan yg x dpt ditahan2 la, pendek kata. Barangkali ni la yg dikatakan mengidam.

Alhamdulillah aku x yah pendamkan keinginan tu lama2 sbb umah kitaorg dekat area Kajang tu mmg berlambak2 la gerai sate. Masa laki aku gi beli sate tu aku tunggu dlm keta je, sbb dah senja, kan x baik pompuan ngandung dok kat luar senja2 nih. Tapi sepanjang tu jugak la berkecur2 air liur rasanya, panjang leher aku terjenguk2 nunggu kan sate idaman aku tuh, hehe.

Bila dah dpt, 8 cucuk aku mkn sorg, dlm keta aje, x main cicah2 kuah kacang eh. Straight up je aku mkn.... pergh.. nikmat....

Sunday, November 4, 2007


When talking about the size of a developing baby, most healthcare providers will discuss the size in terms of `crown-to-rump` length. Crown-to-rump length simply means the distance from the top of the baby's head to its buttocks. Because the baby's legs are usually bent or tucked inwards, crown-to-heel length is hard to determine. By the sixth week of pregnancy, your developing baby is 2 to 4 mm long. You may have even gained a few pounds at this point. However, if you have been nauseated or not eating well you might have lost weight.
You have actually been pregnant for an entire month now! More than likely, you have noticed some changes within your body and you might also notice that your clothes are fitting slightly tighter around the waist. Some women also gain pregnancy weight in their legs, face and breasts. It is not uncommon to experience heartburn or constipation at this time either. Symptoms are usually not severe at this time. If you were to have a pelvic exam at this point of your pregnancy, your doctor would be able to feel your uterus and would notice some changes in its size. Although you will not be able to hear your baby's heartbeat with a Doppler yet, you might be able to see it beating if you have an ultrasound now.


Friday, November 2, 2007

A Little Scare

I had my first pregnancy scare last night.

I was sound asleep in a room shared with Hubs in my Mom's house when suddenly I woke up feeling the worst kind of stomach ache. It came and went every five minutes or so, and when I couldn't hold it any longer, I went straight to the bathroom. The pain got worst by the minute, but nothing was coming out. I felt like I really could just double over and lay sprawl on the bathroom floor. I was shaking and sweating all at the same time.

The pain refused to go away after an agonizing half hour went by. I kept thinking the worst possible thoughts, and kept praying to Allah to please let it it not be true. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, not from the pain, but from utter fear and helplessness.

A few minutes later I puked. And something came out not long after thorugh the back door. I was having a nasty stomach flu. That was all. A stomach flu. Thank God, Syukur Alhamdulillah...

Although the uncomfortable feeling lasted until morning, I was so relieved I didn't even mind. In the light of the day it seems so silly to be paranoid over the whole thing, but, I've heard of stories where first time mother usual mistakens labour or pre-term labour pain with diarrhea, so it was only natural for me to react so, don't you think so?

I'm just glad it was what it was.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

1st Clinic Visit

Tghari td gi Klinik Penawar utk buat confirmation tentang pregnancy ni. Ye la, itu ari gi klinik kat Bangi ni pon inconclusive, yg dpt positif HPT tu pon test sendiri. Anyway, aku gi ngan Hubs waktu lunch, rupanya Dr tgh mkn. X pe la, kitaorg tggu la lama sket, tp konfem 1st patient la lps lunch nnt.

Decision utk gi klinik ni adalah drpd saranan K Awien. K Awien ni akak dekat opis aku, yg tg pregnant 2 bulan cam tuh. Kira pregnant buddy aku la ni. Dia la yg rekomen. K Awien pon pernah miscarried gak dulu, lebih kurg waktu sama ngan aku thn lps. Rupa2nye bole wat checkup kat klinik biasa, x yah gi Klinik Kesihatan, cuma kena bukak buku merah cam biasa and provided yg both mother n baby tiada complication la. Ok, that's good news, coz aku malas nak beratur lama2 kat Klinik Kesihatan. Pulak tu aku fobia dah, sbb nnt mengingatkan aku pd time2 yg x best dulu. Aku ni nak kata superstitous tu x tahu la, tp lebih tepatnya trauma kot. That's what a m/c can do to you.

Dlm pkl 2 cam tu Dr masuk. For the first time aku dpt Dr laki utk hal2 berkait ngan pregnancy. Meh aku panggil Dr ni Dr Sy je la. 1st impression aku, Dr Sy ni best. Byk soalan2 aku dia layan. In fact, dia wat aku n Hubs rasa sgt2 selesa. Paling best la, ialah dia punya positive approach. Dia mmg nasihatkan aku supaya jgn fikir yg bukan2, although it's very natural for someone with my history to feel insecure, but it's important to keep thinking positive thoughts. And he scores a few extra points bila dia ckp aku still young, chewah, so there's no reason aku perlu risau tentang this pregnancy. Lepas dekat 1/2 jam ngan dia, dan siap amik obimine kitaorg pon bergerak keluar la dari klinik tu. Dr Sy suh dtg lg next week, nak amik darah etc, kata dia.

So, dgn itu, confirm la aku 5 minggu pregnant. Alhamdulillah...

Sunday, October 28, 2007

PhD - Two Steps Fwd, One Step Back

Ari Isnin nye tu, Dekan panggil aku n beberapa staf yg lain yg akan sambung belajar soon. Hasil discussion telah menjadikan aku lebih cuak sbb kuota utk sambung PhD oversea semakin sket. Plus dia sarankan aku kalo bole minta la kat tempat yg top 100 in the THES. Bukan aku x nak, tp aku punya strategi ari tu cari yg paling best dlm area, even if the Uni is not necessarily ranked top 100. X pe la.. cuma mungkin kena start balik from step 1, itu yg sedikit frust tu.

X pe la, kalo ada rezeki aku ada la... Yg penting x leh stress2 sgt skang ni. Kena jaga diri n baby Insya Allah...

The Cat is Out of the Bag

Ok.. so the pee stick showed a positive.

Tapi aku x de masa sgt utk lull over the whole thing coz on Sunday my best cousin K Anis is having her engangement ceremony kat umah Mak aku. So that Saturday aku n Hubs pun kemas2 la beg baju nak bawak baju2 semua utk tido umah mak aku. Sedara mara ada yg dah dtg dah, tolong2 apa yg patut. At this point, aku dah ckp ngan mak aku yg aku mungkin pregnant, tp everyone was being cautious and not too over excited over the news, ye la,.. dah pernah ada mishap sekali kan.

Anyway, rahsia tu x dpt nak disimpan lama pun eh... Malam tu aku konon nak wat sleepover reramai la dlm satu bilik ngan cousin mousin aku yg ada kat umah tu (Hubs tido kat bwh with the guys, kesian...). So dah ramai2 dlm bilik tu, makcik aku suh aku hangkut tilam spring yg tersandar kat tepi dinding tu bawak tarik ke tgh bilik sket. Masa tu la, aku agak hesitant sket, coz tilam tu mmg berat. Dlm dk berkira2 tu, agak confessed aje la ngan makcik aku tu, yg aku sebenarnya kalo bole nak avoid la tarik/angkat benda2 berat buat masa terdekat ni. Alaaaa... org tua kan, cepat aje dia teka.

'Kak Oyis pregnant ke?', tanya dia.

Aku iye kan je la. Wah.. bersorak la cousin mousin aku yg lain. Siap ada yg wat2 merajuk kononnya sampai ati aku x bgtau. Kena la aku ckp yg berita ni baru sgt, lom pon pegi klinik lg. Lg plak x nak la aku steal the spotlight K Anis yg nak bertunang tu kan. Cuma aku minta semua doakanlah kesejahteraan dan keselamatan aku dan kandungan kali ini. Makcik aku siap bg peransang lg, ckp jgn fikir yg negatif. Anggaplah x de kena mengenanya pregnancy yg ni dgn yg lps.

Pagi esok, satu umah pon dpt tahu dah. Lps breakfast tu, masing2 makcik aku bukak citer pengalaman mengandung masing2. Yg paling kelakar, mak K Anis sendiri, yg keja ngan Hospital, siap bgtau masa dia ngandung pernah dia ngidam nak isap rokok. Mmg isap rokok la dia tiap2 kali lps mkn. Nasib kandungan x apa2. Satu cerita yg x kurg kelakarnya lg ialah makcik aku yg sorg lg tu siap x leh dgr org sebut Kota Bharu. Kalo dgr aje mmg jd loya terus muntah. Haish.. mcm2... Wat masa ni aku Alhamdulillah lom ada apa2 alahan lg.

Tghari tu berjalan la majlis pertunangan tu dgn lancarnya. Berseri2 K Anis aku. Aku tumpang gembira ngan cousin aku yg paling baik ni. Dalam majlis tu jugak kawan baik K Anis masa sekolah dulu, K Atiqah dtg. Aku mmg kenal ngan K Atiqah sbb dulu kitaorg sumer satu sekolah. K Atiqah tu tgh pregnant 6 bulan. Ntah camne K Anis terbgtau citer aku pregnant. K Atiqah pon tumpang excited n siap bg peransang and tips la jugak ngan aku. Rupe2nya dia pon pernah miscarried gak dulu, setelah dah lama x de apa2 baru la ada balik.

Kata dia, 'Bukan apa bg nasihat byk2 ni, sbb akak mmg terharu sgt kalo org yg pernah gugur ni pregnant balik. Hanya org yg pernah melalui je la yg tahu...'

I couldn't have agreed more.


You are now in your second month of pregnancy and your developing baby is 3 weeks! You might just be finding out that you are pregnant and may have many concerns and questions. Some women still do not realize that they are pregnant yet. You might have already had a positive pregnancy test. Many tests can show a positive test result 10 days after conception, but it is recommended that you wait until you have actually missed your period. The baby has not grown very much from last week and is now approximately 1.25 mm long. You will not `show` yet for some time.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Prolog Part 3 - Faint Line of Positive

Trying to get life back in order after the one week trip to Kelantan made me forget that it was that time of the month again. Add in another excitement where the a potential supervisor from Plymouth U had agreed on taking me as his student next April, I was elated enough to not think much about anything else.

When I finally did notice, I was two days late, on a Saturday morning. I decided to try a pack of really expensive HPT stick that I had stashed away some time ago which claimed to work 'four days before a missed period'. Surely if there's anything in my belly, the stick would be able to show it with no problem, right? So pee I did.

After 10 minutes, I came to inspect the pee stick. Yup, just as I thought, a nega... what a minute, is that a, could it really be a... positive? If I squinted really hard, I could sorta see the positive, but with a stick that claimed to work 4 days in advance, and here I was two days late already, surely the line would've been darker, right? I mean, even with my very first pregnancy the line on the cheapo test stick was so dark there was no doubt about it.

Confused, I shoved the stick under Hubs' nose so that he could inspect it. He confidently declared it a positive. 'I told you you were pregnant', he'd said in his most non-chalant tone, staring back at the TV like it was no biggie. To me, it a was a REAL biggie, bcoz it the 20the October, a very memorable date. It was my previous pregnancy's last menstrual period (LMP). It was too much of a coincidence and I just couldn't take it.

Feeling even more confused than before taking the test and convinced that I'd been ripped off by the lying, expensive test stick, I quickly put it away and started making breakfast. 'No point in thinking too much about it now when the hcg level is probably too low -- if there's any hcg in my system to begin with', I reasoned.

On Monday, we went to a local clinic in Bangi to have the test repeated. The result was inconclusive. What? Even the Dr couldn't tell if it was a positive or a negative, and this was four days after a missed period. He prescribed pre-natal vits just to be on the safe side and off we went, leaving me feeling even more confused than ever.

I guess the excitement of replying e-mails back and forth with my potential SV helped me put things away, and I survived the last day of the week without taking another test. Aunt Flo was still nowhere to be seen, though. Friday morning, Hubs had asked me to take another HPT, just for the fun of it. I rolled my eyes but obliged. This time, I dug out a really cheapo stick and tested. And the result was ....

Yup, within seconds the positive line appeared. I was, at that point, pregnant. Alhamdulillah....

So that was how th journey started. I would like to confess that I didn't write this straight away in this blog, in fact, this blog was only created when I'd already started my third trimester. At first, I wasn't sure I wanted to share this with the world, and for most part of the pregnancy, I was too lazy to write. However, I've kept a handwritten journal of all the important dates that happened during this nine month journey.

In the end, I thought, I WANT to type this down so that:

1) It can be a keepsake for life.
2) It will constantly serve as a reminder of the Almighty Allah of all His graciousness towards me
3) It can be a read for others out there who are starting the journey or are already on their very own journey to baby.

Please pray with us for a happy and healthy baby!

Prolog Part 2 - Clues?

Now, where was I?

Oh, yeah. Acceptance.

Fast forward to mid-October. Two days before Eid. We were to celebrate Eid at my hometown in Kelantan. We were travelling in two cars; my Dad's and Hubs'. It wasn't a very memorable drive, just like any other trip to Kelantan, it was tiring. But to me, it wasn't just tiring, it was exhausting. It took every energy in me to keep my eyelids opened. It was safe to say I slept around 70% of the total travel time, much to the amazement and annoyance of Hubs who was driving. As a I co-pilot, I was supposed to navigate the way and help keep him alert but it was just too much a task for me to perform.

We arrived around 3 p.m. and I resumed sleeping (this time comfortably on a bed) until 6 p.m. When I woke up, almost everyone had gone out and about already; to Bazaar Ramadhan, to visit family nearby, etc. I was teased as the 'Sleeping Beauty' for sleeping too soundly to notice anything going on. Still, I didn't think to much of it, and blamed it on fasting.

Then it got to the night before Eid. That night, between being asleep and awake, I thought I saw something at the corner of my eye. Then I had a really bad nightmare, which made woke up and switched on the light until morning. When Hubs woke up for Subuh prayer, he asked why all the lights were on. I told him about my nightmare. And the little vision that I wasn't sure what to make of. His response were, 'I think you're pregnant'.

Which would have been totally ridiculous if I hadn't had the same experience the first time I got pregnant. You see, last time, before I even missed my period, I had a vision of something or someone just standing on the foot of my bed. Three days later, I got my positive pregnancy test stick.

I'd dismissed my husband's remark, as I was sure that I wasn't. To be honest, I hadn't tracked the functioning of my body since my last period in September. It was a weird cycle; for a start, it was late, then there was little blood in comparison to 'my' standard. My Mom and I were close, and when I mentioned this crazy cycle to her awhile back, she'd said, 'Everytime that happened to me, my period would cease to come the next month and I'd get pregnant.' Oookay... but mothers are like that. They always say things that are supposed to encourage you, so I rolled my eyes and let it pass at that.

Anyway, getting back to the story, it was Eid. So I celebrated. And visited families and friends and forgot all else. On the second day of Eid, my beloved anklet that I wore in remembrance of my lost angel (read about it here) had snapped its clasp. I was a bit upset, but nothing can be done as the jewellers were closed for Eid. After breakfast, we headed back to my Dad's village, and met a cousin of mine, Kak Nah, who was a really good Tukang Urut so I sort of let her messaged me. She commented something about my uterus, but I wasn't paying too much attention. According to her, my urat (nerves?) were all over the place and that she'd corrected them in place all for me.

Nothing much to write about the third day of Eid. On the fourth day, me and a bunch of us cousins went to Jeram Pasu. I thought we were just going to sit back and relax at the base of the waterfall, where it was most packed, but no, the guys wouldn't settle for some baby play area and wanted to climb up higher and higher to a secluded place. Here I was, unprepared for the climb, in my Eid sandals (okay, very dumb), huffing and puffing trying to catch up with the guys. At that point, I could feel my exhaustion had made a comeback, and I couldn't help but wonder, 'What if ...?' Argghh.. this whole 'not-trying-not-preventing' stage was playing with my head too much, but once we got to the higher ground, I began to let loose and enjoyed myself. I shrugged all thoughts off and told myself, if it was meant to be, it would be...

The next morning, we headed back to KL via the Cameron Highland route. Unlike the trip back to Kelantan, this time I was alert and awake most of the time and thought nothing more of it. Maybe I should've been able to pick up clues along the line already; like the unexplainable exhaustion, constant fatigue, the dream / vision, the broken clasp on my anklet, etc, but I was too oblivious. Besides, what mattered then was that I had a splendid time in Kelantan and life was good. But I had no idea it was about to get better ;)

Sunday, October 21, 2007


Hmmm... where exactly do I begin?

I guess I'd better at the very beginning, before the journey to baby even started, or even contemplated at all.

In June 2005, my husband and I got married. I was 24, he was 29. I was deep in my Master of Science study, so we had understood from early on that this journey would not take heed any time soon. Not the very Malay approach, but it was best for us at the time.

After a year being married, we gave a thought over the possibility of venturing down the road. Although quite unsure at first, we'd decided that if things were meant to be, we would be more than delighted. Around October, whilst I was finishing off my thesis writing, we got pregnant for the very first time. Of course, we were over the moon. Without elaborating too much here (for the past had hurt so much), it would be suffice for me to say that it didn't work out. At 10 weeks, on Thursday 28th Oct, I spotted dark brown blood and found out I was miscarrying. The next morning, I'd undergone a D&C at Hospital Pakar An-Nur. You can read the longer version here.

Unfortunately, I had bled so bad from the procedure that the Dr ordered us to abstain from sex for a full month and not to try again for another additional three coz my little uterus was 'fragile'. I guess it's true when they say that you never know what you've got until you've lost it, and that made me wanting to resume where things had oh-so abruptly ended. Still, I was quite cautious about this issue as I was (still) finishing off my postgrad study.

Turned out I needed not worry as God had decided that we weren't yet ready. For the months that followed, time after time again something would come up when it was the best time to 'get jiggy with it'. Although we weren't trying per se, I knew that my body worked like clockwork and I wasn't cluless when it came to pinpointing when I was fertile. The method worked well for us without a glitch for the first year of marriage, didn't it ? To suit a different purpose, yes, but still effective nonetheless.

As I was saying, something always came up. For instance, in April, the first month after the 'forbidden city' had re-opened again (for one single visitor, that is, if I may so stress... teeheee.. hah.. dare I make a joke of it now), Hubs had promotional work done in Libya. In May, I was too absorbed with my viva voce to care about anything else in the world. In June, I camped out at Ulu Sepri, Negeri Sembilan, attending a Biro Tata Negara Course in preparation for my Phd. Then July came and again, I was too busy with thesis corrections after viva and another week-long PhD prepatory course.

Before we knew it, September was here. Hubs birthday was on the 22nd, and on that date, I was two days late. I told you before that my body worked like clockwork, so naturally I was a little giddy. And curious. And anxious. And stressed out. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but Aunt Flo came for her regular visit the next evening on the 23rd. A little late, and a lot less in quantity than usual, but still there. Bummer. It would've made a perfect birthday present for Hubs. Oh, well...

By this time, I had already completed my MSc and my focus had turned to my PhD application. I'd aimed to do my PhD in a university overseas ASAP, as the fight for scholarship was extremely fierce and it was given out on a first-come-first-serve basis (since most candidates were equally good). Hubs and I had decided that we'd go on another hiatus soon, to give the time and space for me to focus on my PhD. For the first time after the miscarriage, we were truly pasrah, and redha, that we were probably not going to see the stick turn positive anytime soon.

Okay, I'll stop here at the point where I have entered the acceptance stage coz it seems like a good parting note. Now go read part 2 of this Prolog :)