Tuesday, December 31, 2013

With A Heavy Heart, Bye Bye 2013

Salam All,

How long has it been?

Sbnarnya TERLALU byk cerita yg aku dah miss dan x sempat share, tp most of them mmg perit pon utk aku share, so aku amik keputusan (well, actually there wasn't much time or mood for me to write pon) utk tidak update kan apa2. Ikut hati mcm nak bungkus terus je blog ni, but then rasa sayang sbb dah byk kenangan, plus rasa x fair pd Zayd sbb cerita perkembangan dia adalah next to nothing kalo compare dkt kakak dia, and also, once a blogger always a blogger, x bole nak lari. So, I knew sooner or later akan start balik, biar lah kalo dah x reader pon sbb lama sgt x update habis dah x jenguk langsung ke sini but since 2014 pon around the corner je, I think it's as good time as any to resume writing.

Dah menjadi tradition aku akan wrap up sket entry before new year begins, and also post a collage of the year. I'll skip the collage this year, I think, but will try to compress all the happenings of this year in under 20 minutes or so.

January 2013
* hectic month
* last minute shopping kat UK
* packing brg2 x hengat dunia
* shipping
* SAT FOR MY VIVA (24/1/13)
* PASSED MY VIVA (24/1/2013)
* Flew back to Msia for good (28/1/2013)
* Arrived safely in the arms of my family, at 34 weeks 5 days pregnant with Zayd (29/1/2013)

February 2013
* Lapor diri masuk kerja (1/2/2013)
* Aqiqah my new niece, Husna
* Found out that I was polyhydramniotic (air ketuban terlalu byk). No wonder I was SO HUGE
* Feeling very scared becoz of the risks associated with polyhydramnios
* Finally Hosp. Serdang's Labour Room suggested elective Caeserean, and we scheduled Zayd's entrance to the world

March 2013
* Delivered Zayd!!!! (1/3/2013)
* Dealt with breastfeeding-related pains
* Stitches from the operation was so dodgely done, it was leaking serum from a GAPING HOLE from my abdomen for about 2 weeks!!! Scary and a nuisance to dress everyday. Nasib baik x kena jahit semula.
* In confinement. Berurut was nice. 
* Zayd's jaundice was not going down quick enough. Spent every other day at Klinik Kesihatan so that they could poke his wrist to draw blood to get the readings
* Zayd's bilirubin level was so high, had to be admitted to NICU for 4 days 3 nights. There was even talk about the possibility of blood tranfusion. Very scary, very heart breaking and very nervous moment. Alhamdulillah there was no need for that in the end

April 201
* Pumping milk like no tomorrow
* Was supposed to enjoy bonding and maternity leave to the max, but I promised myself only one month to recuperate, so on the 1st April, started doing my thesis corrections despite still having abdomen pains when sat for a long period of time
* Wrote, edited and submitted my chapter in book. 

May 2013
* Aisyah started school (14/5/2013)
* Getting used to being a mom to a newborn for the 2nd time
* Zayd got another new cousin, Muslihin
* Felt really miserable because of slow progress with thesis correction
* Spent ONE WHOLE WEEK a t the end of the month coming to the office and worked on the correction in the Postgraduate Room bcoz my office wasn't quite ready yet

June 2013
* 8th year wedding anniversary (3/6/2013)
* Lapor diri after 90-days maternity leave (6/6/2013)
* My 32nd Birthday!!! (9/6/2013)
* Muslihin's aqiqah (9/6/2013)
* RM1300 poorer, paid the proofreader to double check my corrected thesis
* Aisyah's 5th birthday, celebrated at her new school (17/6/2013)
* Moved back to our own home in Bangi (moved out of parents' house where we stayed during confinement)

July 2013
* Submitted completed thesis after correction
* Ramadhan
* Zayd was not sleeping well AT ALL at night. Would wake up so suddenly and would cry hysterically throughout the night.
* An Ustaz was called to 'treat' Zayd's 'condition'
* Between Zayd not sleeping at night and trying to chase correction deadlines and also not drinking much due to fasting, I fell ill, and lost my voice completely
* My Mom started coughing really bad, and lost her voice too. I thought she had caught something off of me. 
* Arwah Abg Yee (my cousin) pulang ke Rahmatullah
*Teman my Mom balik Kelantan (with Aisyah and Zayd in tow), as she REALLY, REALLY wanted to go back home SO BADLY. Nobody else in the family could go anyway, so I gladly volunteered. Terpaksa minta Ayah sponsor half tickets bcoz mmg kering kontang, BUT IT WAS WORTH IT. 
* Received email from University of Plymouth that I have been AWARDED PhD in Artificial Intelligence in Concatenative Sound Synthesis. Cried my eyes out whilst still in the workshop at office (24/7/2013)

August 2013
* Raya!!! After 4 years celebrating Raya overseas, we were very happy to celebrate it in Msia with family, finally. Spee nt 1st day of raya at my parents' and the 2nd day on in Muar (Hubs' parents).
* Ayah's 57th bday (11/8/2013)
* Received a call from Ayah on 3rd day of Raya, that my Mom was admitted to HUKM. Rushed back to KL (11/8/2013)
* Very surprised to see that my Mom's condition was quite serious already. She had to have oxygen mask on her at all times. First day we were there, she could talk. The following days, it was only through writing
* Things escalated from bad to worst quite quickly, although the Dr couldn't quite pin point what was wrong exactly. Spent the next 11 days 'berkampung' di Wad Respiratori dan Jantung, HUKM, gilir2 with all family members.
* Zayd was still not sleeping well at night. Seriously, it was VERY, VERY STRESSFUL period of time
* Received PhD certificate in the mail on the very same day that my Mom passed away (22/8/2013)
* Pengkebumian, tahlil dan basically just mourning over her passing
* To be honest, I cannot remember anything much after this. Life felt too void. Didn't even bother to do any office work at this point. The only reason I got up everyday instead of curling up in bed crying was because Zayd and Aisyah still needed a Mom, although mine has gone.

September 2013
* Still grieving, but life still moved on
* SIL bertunang (16/9/2013)
* Hubs birthday, which also was my SIL Sufi's birthday, but none of us felt like celebrating. It was only a month since Umi went. On top of that, we (my side of the family) had actually booked this date to go on a family holiday (my parents, my family and brothers and all of our children), to Cherating. It was Umi's idea, she was looking forward so much to it. She finally felt like our family was complete, with me being home and all of us having delivered our babies already. We had actually booked the hotel and all, but in the end, my family pulled out, but my brother (Sufi's husband) went anyway, which was good for them (22/9/2013). 
* Zayd's night time crying came back in remission. Had another Ustaz to 'treat' the situation
* Digesa kawan2 agar move on and cpt2 hntr application utk Pensyarah Kanan, although I couldn't care less pon (not to mention x de daya sbb x tido mlm for God knows how long dah at this point)
* Was agree at the world, in general
* Serious shit rasa mcm dah kena postnatal depression ke hapa aku nih?
* Only submitted the form, because my KJ said to my friend (who was also applying), ' Saya buat sekaligus nanti bila Oyis hantar borang dia'. Which meant that I was basically FORCED to fill it in, pronto.
* Was assigned to handle lab session for the 'Creative Design Elements' class. A fun course, but it was offered for the first time, so no previous notes and had to work hard from scratch. That took most of my time and mind away from the sadness

October 2013
* Life was slowly falling into a routine - Zayd was sleeping better, lab was going full swing, I was slowly accepting my Mom's passing). Alhamdulillah....
* Was called in and went for the interview for Pensyarah Kanan 
* Arwah Abg Ann (cousin) dijemput Ilahi

November 2013
* Work was slowly progressing
* Attended a Computer Security talk at UM by Prof. Steven Furnell, who came all the way from University of Plymouth, UK. So excited as it felt like a mini reunion with all the ex-Plymouthian students. Also met Caroline from British council. Got talking on SO MANY ideas, she forwarded my name to the UK Alumni to be part of a focus group
* Attended the Text-to-Speech workshop at UM. VERY, VERY interesting and useful!
* Attended the focus group meeting at British High Commission in Jalan Binjai, KL. Met many established and distinguished people. Aku je kot yg plaing cikai, although the only PhD-holder in the room. Academics tak akan kaya, honestly. Kaya ilmu mungkin la. Org lain yg ada kat situ mostly ada degree je, but dah pangkat Dato2 or if not duit berkepuk2. VERY awesome meeting, especially bcoz dpt jumpa org2 kedutaan UK sekali. What are the odds of a laymen miskin like me dpt jemputan khas sebegitu?
*Worked really hard as part of the committee member for the IADIS conference. Was a kick a$$ MC for the Opening ceremony, hehe
* Was appointed the Senior Lecturer post

December 2013
* Was part of the committee member for the ISDA conference. 
* Went to see and mark my students at their industrial placement sites - VisualXtreme and Animasia, both animation studios producing the likes of Bola Kampung, Tadika Ustaz Don, Taman Laut, etc.
* Received an invitation to come with a friend at the preview of the Big Bad Wolf book sale. Went craaaaaazy sbb finally rasa mcm duk UK balik bole beli buku2 dgn harga murah 
* Attended HCI Day. So fun and informative!
Co-organised Multimedia Day (and dare I say it was a success with the students? Their production were REALLY good, some of them, leaving me feeling like I've imparted some kind of useful knowledge to them)
* Decided to start blogging again

It's a long one, this entry. But it sums up 2013. Bittersweet, I would describe it. The same year that I got my PhD, promoted to Senior Lecturer post and blessed with a son, I was tested with the loss of my dear Mom, financial strains, sleep issues and many other little challenges. 

Praying for a more Barakah year in 2014, Amiin.....

Happy New Year, everyone...