Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Kasih Sayang...




Last weekend, Hubs's younger brother got married. Sedih mmg sedih x dpt balik dan terlibat sama, and even rasa guilty dkt Hubs and family bcoz mungkin aku lah penyebab ketidak-dapat-bersamaan itu, tp ini lah salah satu harga sebuah PhD, semoga menjadi pemangkin diri utk terus berusaha hingga berjaya. Pastinya jg aturan Allah adalah lebih cantik dan penuh hikmah, maka kami dgn penuh redha dan gembira menyambut penyatuan dua hati ini, walau dari kejauhan cuma. This entry is therefore dedicated to Hubs' Bro (Azam) and his wife, Fatiha. With huge arms and even huger hearts, we welcome my new 'biras' to the Maskan's clan. Tahniah pengantin baru!

Akak, Angah dan anakanda Aisyah dari kejauhan hanya mampu mendoakan moga kalian berdua kekal berkasih sayang dan berbahagia hingga akhir hayat hendaknya, Amin. Dititipkan lagu 'Kasih Sayang' nyanyian kumpulan Raihan buat the newlyweds, semoga keluarga kita kekal berkasih sayang dalam rahmah Allah selamanya.



PS: Gmbr cilok drpd FB diorg jgk. Nanti nak tggu from my Dad if he has any other ones too, my parents also attended the reception kat Muar.


Monday, November 29, 2010

Reflect and Project


Dapat email ni drpd SV terchenta, baru baca pg td. He sent it yesterday, on a SUNDAY. Yeah, SV aku begitu workaholic skali. Sila malu wahai diri.

Anyways, ni tgh terkulat2 mengarang sbb nak get this out of the way cpt2. Selagi x siap, selagi tu nak wat kerja lain pon mcm tergendala. Haih, depressing plak nak buat description of work and how it sets apart from other researchers from the same field. Ye la, dah 2 tahun berkecimpung but rasa mcm it is neither intersting nor impressive pon kerja aku ni. Paling menekan kan diri adalah kena letak skali illustration. Nak letak apa ni? Nak letak gmbr system, system yg ada belom siap, interface apatah lg. Nak letak gmbr semasa conducting experiment, ini bukannya physical experiment, just simulation kat computer, x de apa pon. Nak letak gmbr main gamelan? Eh, x de kena mengena, altho cun jgk la utk gmbr profile tu, sbb it shows that I am, finally, a performer of some sort. Nak letak coding? Sorry babe, coding ku private, bkn sbb kedekut, tp biar aku and Allah aje yg tahu the sloppiness of my programming skills hehe...

Ok lah. Just wanted to get that off my chests. Maybe I'll just bung in together some pics of graphs from my latest results and then chuck in pics of a few waveforms. That ought to do it ngeh ngeh. I'm limiting myself to 90-minutes of doing this (the project description, not blogging), lps tu nak baca paper, cari ilham nak improve the current string matching algo supaya bole masuk dgn musical data that I have plak. Sesekali bila reflect on our work so far, baru la realize, ilmu yg kita ada ni mmg sket aje kalo nak compare dgn seluruhnya yg Allah miliki. Apapon, kena manfaatkan walau sebesar kuman je pon, and semoga di masa hadapan bole aku share kan dgn anak bangsa sendiri utk manfaat bersama, Insya Allah...


Friday, November 26, 2010

Random Friday

Bullet points ye, bole?

1. Since dah officially winter and freezing cold, Aisyah pon sudah bertukar uniform tido mlm2. Sudah kembali memakai onesies sbb dia kdg2 x suka berstokin, so kalo pakai mcm ni dia x leh kata apa hehe... smart solution kan :)



2. Kdg2 Aisyah dtg angin x setuju dia mula la refuse nak pakai baju2 yg kita dah picked out utk dia. Ahh... toddlers. Normally I let her choose her own clothes tp kalo dah dia pilih T-shirt and skirt di tgh winter ni, harus la x approve kan (lom sempat nak buat winter cleaning utk baju2 summer dia yg masih belom disorok). Hence, kalo nak pujuk Aisyah pakai sesatu baju tu, kena byk create tricks. But a simple one that normally works is aku pon kena pakai baju sama colour ngan dia jgk. So kalo kita nak dia pakai baju pink, then I must wear pink lah. Part of me rasa secretly flattered, I have a mini fan, shhhh! But 10 years down the line, I might just hear, 'God, my mom is embarrassing. You can NEVER catch me wearing something she wears'. Ahh... teenagers.





3. I'm trying a lot of layering utk winter ni, as opposed to my boring sweaters and cardis. Today pakai dress and a black long-sleeve T underneath, with jeans. Tudung plak baru mari drpd Msia, my mom posted hari tu, hepi hepi. Am never used to mix dresses with blue jeans, so I don't know if this works or sudah jadi kartun bahan gelak org aje. What do you think?







4. Pokok gondol di luar bangunan lab. Mmg kebanyakan pokok dah tinggal mcm ni, tp cantik SubhanAllah, very intricate kan pattern dia. Masa penuh daun x pernah bole nak perasan. Kalo kaji betul2 mesti dpt nmpk unsur2 fractal di sini.



5. Walaupon tgn and kaki kebas after the 20 minutes walk to Uni (even after wearing gloves and proper boots), the smell of warm coffee that greeted me as soon as masuk building tu terus bg illusion that it is very warm and comfy. I can't drink coffee, gives me a headache, but I so looove the smell.



6. Sampai2 dpn desk, this greets me. My PhD crammed in one A4. Or what I am working towards la. Itu hari mcm demotivated sket, so bila buat balik mcm ni, I feel much much better, nmpk the overall picture, where I'm going, where I'm at, and aku jg letak masa aku planned to work on each section so bole budget2 kot when my next deadline is. Skang mmg very independent in terms of work, jumpa SV utk discuss yg penting2 and bentang result aje, so most of the time the push kena dtg drpd diri sendiri (susah kalo org yg agak senang distracted mcm aku). Tp hopefully, ada ni ok la sket. Masuk2 lab je terus nampak apa kena buat sbb selalu jgk sblm masuk2 lab, I was like, 'whaaaaa?'. Also bila letak timeline kat tepi (kecik2 sudah, malu kat org), baru la rasa, 'Hah, 6 bulan aku spent buat algo XXX tu aje, OMG!'. Konfem hinsap.



7. Another man's trash is another man's treasure. No, bkn berckp psl carboot or e-bay, tp psl piano buruk ni. Dijumpai di tepi bangunan Scott di tempat buang sampah. Member lab ni amik wat masuk lab, mmg out-of-tune beyond repair, tp dia nak guna transducer and try to make electroacoustic music from piano classic ni. He's preparing a piece for fun utk Music Festival next year. Crazy nya, dgn PhD lg, sempat nak godek2 compose music suka suki for fun. But to him, raising a family, doing a PhD, squeezing in a part-time job, committing to a Gamelan club, now THAT is crazy. To each his own.



8. Adik Hubs nikah today. Yes it's exciting and exhilarating to be able to go experience life abroad, but bila ada occasions like these di Msia, rasa nak terbang balik kejap!



Thursday, November 25, 2010

My Little Fitness Instructor

Brrr... very cold. Skang ni baju winter2 semua dah keluar balik drpd simpanan. Coat2 tebal and my beloved bubble jacket yg membuatkan Sheikh Muzaffar pon intimidated kalo tgk (sbb kalah astronaut suit dia) tu yg dah siap dibasuh a couple of weeks back pon sudah selamat dirasmikan semula utk winter 2010. This week suhu maksimum 4C during the day, mlm plak can go as low as -1C. Pagi2 je frost habis kat luar, tp belom snow lg. Further up north dah ada report of snow katanya. Tp biasa lah, Plymouth ni antara area paling suam, so kalo terkena tempias nya tu, maknanya satu UK ni from the aerial view akan nampak putih aje lah (maknanya tempat lain di UK abis semua dah covered by snow la, kami last). Kalo ada rezeki bermain snow tu, adalah, sket pon bole la lepas buat rasa2. Tebal2 sampai ganggu traffic and heating pon payah jg, minta dijauhkan. But Xmas deco dah 2,3 minggu gak keluar. Agak cuak sbb plan nak siapkan satu algo ni before cuti Xmas. Harap2 sempat...





Balik2 umah td tgk Aisyah dah pakai baju T-shirt layered dgn seluar leggings, kudos to Ayah nya la yg pakaikan, terus nmpk Aisyah mcm fitness instructor heheh.. Mmg ala2 fitness instructor pon, cergas manjang. Siap terbalikkan basikal dia, and pedal dgn tgn. Working on those non-existent bingo wings, honey? (masa ni heater pasang, so it was quite warm, hence x pakai stokin. After setengah jam tutup heater je, brrrr... ketar balik).

















Ni nak tunjuk lg kekreatifan Aisyah when it comes playing. Dia pandai turunkan sofa kusyen and jump, jump, jump atas sofa. Wah jimat duit I, x payah beli mini trampoline. Hajat hati dah nak belikan hari tu, tp Hubs tahan dulu, kata tggu dulu. Alih2 budak tu dah found solution yg menjimatkan. Syabas bhetti!


Utk slides pon sama. Dia letak kusyen tu so that it angles baekkk punya and then slide down. And then panjat lg. Dia bole main mcm ni berulang2 kali. Dah x yah beli slide set tp maybe kena beli sofa baru sbb lenjan kena henyak dgn Aisyah




Wednesday, November 24, 2010

More Riang Ria Raya Aidil Adha 2010

Biasa la, bila dah dkt perantauan ni, kalo bab raya mmg tarik ke weekend aje sbb hari betul2 raya tu usually masih hari bekerja. And biasa la jg, kalo dah duk jauh tu, raya nya mmg meriah, coz i think people work really hard utk achieve jgk feeling2 raya tu, so syabas dan terima kasih utk tuan2 rumah yg telah bertungkus lumus memasak from scratch. Sedap2 belaka, burp Alhamdulillah...

On Saturday raya kat umah Dr Az*li. Menu: Laksa Penang, Nasi Himpit, Lodeh, Kuah Kacang, Rendang Daging. Yummylicious. Lps tu berguru ngan Kak Rose isteri Dr Az*li psl cara buat kuah laksa pakai sardin dlm tin aje. Balik umah terus buat, Alhamdulillah, jadi! K Rose ni kreatif, even tempe pon dia buat sendiri tau drpd biji kacang soya yg keras giler tu. Skang ni dah ada ragi ni kat umah, tgh mencari masa sesuai nak buat tempe plak ok. Kalo jd nnt aku shout kat sini. Kaya aku kalo amik order leh meniaga tempe kat UK.









On Sunday plak, raya umah Kak Maz*ni. Menu: Nasi Dagang, Gulai Ikan Mackerel, Acar, Mee Udang. Nasi dagang ada 2 versi plak tu, hok Klate and Tganu, kudos to the boys as well yg sama2 menyumbang. Mmg sedap! Siap bawak balik bekal lagi hahahaha... Pastu mmg meriah sbb sambil2 mkn tgk and kutuk2 result X Factor kat TV. Mmg happening habis...













Minggu ni ada celebration Aidil Adha and Diwali oleh adik2 undergrad TESL kat UCP Marjon, Plymouth. Kalo x de aral, Insya Allah bole pegi.


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

With Attitude...



Ulih kerna hari ni kurg byk masa utk berblogging, nak share satu gambar aje of me and Aisyah. I like this photo coz mcm gmbr2 yg slalu kita tgk artis2 duk lari drpd paparazzi tabloid tu kan. Pakai spek hitam, muka masam, sambil jalan cpt2. Ada gaya x?

Sbnarnya muka mencuka sbb masa ni br lps paksa Aisyah gi photoshoot nursery. She was not well masa tu, hence the grumpiness. I was not impressed with her sbb a professional shoot costs tonnes, tp x nak sengih plak. Sudahnya ini gmbr yg Hubs dpt tangkap of us on our way out of the nursery, dua2 sourpuss with attitude, frozen in the moment :)


Monday, November 22, 2010

Managing Stress



Td pegi kursus 'Stress Management' tajaan UoP graduate school. Fuyoo.. stress sgt la tu konon, sampai enrolled and gi kursus half-day tuuu. Masa mula2 signed up tu, mmg rasa bole tahan jgk stress nya aku ni, dgn nak menyiapkan PhD lg, dgn tanggungjawab as wife, mother, dgn keja lg, dgn kekangan masa, kewangan, blah blah blah... mmg kalo ikut2 kan menggunung dah stress di atas diri ni, so better la belajar cara2 nak release dgn baik kan...

Mula2 start course tu, kitaorg disuruh tgk gmbr di bawah ni, and decide which of those 'jelly babies' on the tree tu yg kita rasa mewakili diri kita, and let the class know. I see myself as the one on top left, where three jelly babies are huddled together as a family. Yg ni x ramai sgt org pilih, maybe sebab majority yg dtg masih lg single. Yg thn satu, ramai yg kata mereka yg tengah nak panjat pokok tu, baru nak cari grip tentang research masing2. Yg thn dua or tiga mcm aku, ramai ckp yg tgh duduk safely atas plank tu, mungkin ada yg dah mencapai plateau dari segi productivity. Ultimately, we all want to be org yg paling atas lg ceria itu, meaning graduate with a PhD la kan, Insya Allah.



Then bermula la presentation daripada pakar Health & Wellbeing drpd Faculty of Health Sciences UoP sendiri, Prof. G Russell. Slides yg pertama2 lg dah menginsafkan aku. Slides ni menunjukkan the Life Event Model and the Stress Index. For example, the model states that life event yg paling stress ialah death of spouse, followed by divorce, imprisonment, death of family member, personal injury, ... (please see below). Insaf bkn apa, selama ni rasa mcm byk sgt kekusustan kepala tu, sebenarnya x satu pon x tercatit dlm stress index, meaning x layak nak bg point pon!

Life Event Model
Death of Spouse (100)
Divorce (73)
Imprisonment (63)
Death of a family member (63)
Personal Injury / Illness (53)
Dismissal from work (47)
Diet (15)
Vacation (13)
Christmas (12)
Minor law violation (11)

Then masuk bab diskusi group, ada sorg participant ni, dia nak berckp pon mmg payah and asyik stammering aje (bless him). Rupa2nya dia bgtau, dia ni brain-damaged sbb jatuh drpd balkoni tingkat 3, suffers from epilepsy, so sesekali dtg fits. And movement dia pon restricted, altho dia x payah la sampai kena guna wheelchair. Dah la tu, duduk di Newquay so hari2 travel pukul 5.30 pg dah bgn naik train gi Plymouth. Time spent commuting aje dah 3 jam sehari. Kalo dia ter-over buat keja aje, nanti vision dia jadi blurry, so dia kena rehat dlm sehari lebih mcm tu just tido so that body dia recover. AND he's doing a PhD. Even speaking pon dah already taxing and stressing him out, sbb byk yg nak dikatakan, tp pertuturan dia terjejas akibat accident tersebut. Bayangkan lah... the only thing that gets him through is smgt yg tinggi dan disiplin yg kuat, katanya.

Masa tu mula la dtg rasa malu dgn diri sendiri, dgn Allah apatah lg. Bergenang airmata dgn cerita dia. At least my family and I have good health, I have strong support system from the people I love, a very good supervisor who always make sure I reach one goal to the next, and although x mewah, x la plak aku ni kebulur or merempat. Sungguh aku ni insan pelupa x reti bersyukur, Alhamdulillah syukur nikmat already!

One thing that I realize masa kursus td tu ialah I have a Type A personality rupanya. Sbb tu mudah marah, always rasa pressured about time and urgency utk siapkan sesuatu. But at the same time Type A ni high achievers, so kebarangkalian utk mereka yg buat PhD ni terdiri drpd org2 Type A adalah sgt tinggi. But I have to keep my anger in check from time to time, and sometimes kena belajar just to let go and not to dwell so much on something, especially yg belum pon berlaku lg. Try to be like a dog, kata Prof. Russell. Sket habuk pon x pikir apa2, kalo ada makanan, dia makan, dia x risau esok akan ada lg x makanan ni. Kalo kena marah dgn tuan dia, ok, terima seadanya, tp dia x stress psl lps ni kena marah lg ke x, dan x simpan di dlm hati pon grudges. Generally, anjing ni good mood aje manjang... Ok kalo x suka perumpamaan anjing, bole tukar dgn babies la kot. Kdg2 jeles tgk Aisyah kegirangan x susah hati pikir apa2, tp memikirkan I had my time dah kan, x bole nak jeles lebih2 la hehehe..

Kenapa kita ni jd stressed? Dari segi psychology nya, it's due to the perceived demands versus the perceived ability to cope. Ok utk laymen seperti aku, kita stressed due to pressures, workload and expectations. BUT what makes the task worst or more tolerable is due to our own perception of our ability to cope with those stressors. Contohnya, kita ada report nak kena buat, and awal2 lg kita dah perceive it is difficult, maka mmg sampai ke sudah la susah, and all the way berkerut2 la dahi kita nak menyudahkannya. Instead, kalo kita siang2 lg perceive that it's do-able, insya Allah kita akan bole buat, dan x satu pon uban extra naik di kepala. Tp jgn sampai tahap underestimating the sheer size of the task ye!

Sbb tu factors such as experience, skills, training, mental and physical health, serta support from others juga memainkan peranan yg penting. Support ni ada dua: (1) Tools - SV, library, facilities; (2) social - family and friends. So berbalik pada cerita report td, kalo kita mmg know the area well, we have written a couple of reports before so that we know HOW MUCH time we roughly need to finish it, badan kita pon sihat walafiat, and SV selalu membantu, serta resources pon readily available, mmg bertambah2 kurg la stress kita semasa menyiapkan.

Stress ni, kalo dibiarkan berlanjutan, mmg affect kesihatan tubuh badan. In small doses over a short period of time, stress ni bagus utk kita bcoz the rush and adrenaline of meeting a deadline, say, gets you where you needed to be. But over a long period of time, bila sampai tahap chronic stress, it can affect our immune systems, so that we are more susceptible to colds, and then bole lead to penyakit2 lain spt candida, eczema, diabetes, hypertension, migraines, asthma, cardiovascular problems, etc (nauzubillah).

So utk mengelakkan kita drpd mengalami stress yg berpanjangan, kita kena la jaga beberapa protective factors ini:

(1) Jaga badan i.e. exercize. Ok, yg ni aku guilty. Aku rasa brisk walking sudah tiada kesan nya lg pada aku sbb buat hari2. Aku skang mmg berniat nak exercise balik, even just kalo buat stretches and a bit of weight pon it's something.

(2) Jaga hati i.e. leisure activity. Cari leisure acitvities yg kita suka, and spend some time doing it. X kisah la, traveling ke, sports ke, to the pub with friends ke (kalo ko non-Muslim lah!), music ke (main Gamelan counts la kan?), or just curling up on the sofa berebut duvet dan remote control dgn anak dan suami pon kira ok la tu ngeh ngeh...

(3) Jaga hubungan dgn manusia. Of coz, yg priority nya jaga hubungan dgn org2 yg terdekat dgn kita la, spouse kita, anak2 kita, ibu bapa kita, family kita. Then jaga hubungan dgn kawan2 kita dan org2 sekeliling kita. Walaupon kita rasa diorg x de la memberi impak sgt pada kita, tp sebenarnya friendship ni mmg menjaga well-being kita. X caya, cuba la cari gaduh dgn kawan baik kita, hah... mmg x leh buat kerja la seharian tu jawabnya, sampai lah dah Ok balik. Kalo bole buat pon sebenarnya buat2 OK je, padahal dlm hati berkecamuk jgk, tp ego nak mintak maaf la tu hehehe. Kalo hubungan dgn manusia ni kita x jaga, mmg senang sgt nak kena depression.

(4) Jaga hubungan dgn Allah. Yg ni mmg dia x ckp, tp aku tambah sbb aku rasa readers aku majoriti org Islam kan. Kalo hubungan dgn Allah lemah, mmg hati lg senang tersampuk syaitan la jawabnya (diri sendiri malu jgk ni, tp demi sharing, ku tulis jua).

PS: Eh ayah, kenapa rasa mcm Ayah pernah bgtau dah eh benda ni? Mesti dah lupa la ni, tp Alhamdulillah dah diingatkan kembali...


Lps habis diskusi psl stress ni, kitaorg got up and did Office Aerobics, diajar oleh one of the fitness instructor di UoP. Mmg bole buat di dpn PC aje sebenarnya, sambil2 berehat dlm 20 minit. Mmg terus rasa regang habis badan, siap rasa segar lg lps tu. Yg asalnya bdn x flexible langsung, suh tunduk pegang kaki pon paling jauh bole pegi is as far as my ankles, lps buat office aerobics ni terus bole pegang lantai sampai tapak tgn flat on the floor lg okeh? When was the last time I could do that?!

Nak cerita pjg2 pon, aku rasa susah jg sbb x kan nak aku lukis ilustrasi plak kan. Bole search kat Youtube ajeoffice aerobics ni, I'm sure ada. So remember, stretch la slalu to combat stress! Selain menyihatkan, posture pon jadi bagus kerana tidak lg slouching (sbb dah elongate kan semula our hamstrings) dan cheeks pon jadi rosy ala2 pakai blusher sbb huffing and puffing (perit gak stretching after dah duduk berapa lama ni kan).

The last part of the course ni ada seorg PhD student yg baru aje lps viva on Monday dtg share cerita dia dgn kitaorg. Cerita perjalanan PhD dia la, ups and downs, challenges, stresses blah blah blah, yada yada yaa... Aku x stay lama sgt sbb lps tu nak kejar solat Asar.

Ok, maaf coretan kali ni terpanjang plak. Bkn apa, hati aku tersentuh dgn pengisian kursus td, maka aku nak share ngan you guys what I learnt, just coz I love u all...Semoga sama2 kita beroleh manfaat nya.

Have a great and stress-free weekend y'all!