Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Penat

* Warning! Very PhD-laden entry*

Drained. Tp lega la jgk sbb baru lps jumpa Prof. And Alhamdulillah, sempat la jgk siap report, walau pon for some reasons, citation yg link ke database tu ada technical error, so lps ni kena betul kan lg, but as for content, dah siap to the best that I can produce in that span of time.

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Sebelum lupa, ni hasil meeting:

- reached the stage where I must decide on the pragmatic approach (less theoretical) of the models to choose to follow, i.e. human auditory model, perceptual model, evolutionary model, etc. Use reverse engineering, find the model that fits the existing and working segmentation techniques >:)

- contribution of this thesis will be two part: (1) segmentation approach, (2) concatenation or unit selection approach

- for segmentation: to look at different parameters to add, other than pitch class which has already been implemented. This implies digging into the signal processing side of stuff, such as the spectral features that corresponds to brightness, duration, dynamic, energy, etc.... This relates back to my MSc thesis! Yeay!!!!

- for concatenation: to look at different ways to tabulate the soon-to-expand audio features / parameters into a probabilistic table, which will replace the basic transition matrix that has been designed. If another technique is more interesting and returns better result (i.e. statistical modeling), replace the old technique. Else, stick with the working 1st Markov's chain models, but perhaps extend to 2nd order to see missed out rhythmic patterns.

- Go back to Chapter 8 of the Gimenes' thesis on iMe <---- if I can replicate something like this, pretty much thesis = DONE - AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, Don't spend longer than 2 weeks to solve the 1st bullet point! Next meeting in 2 weeks time. Must have concrete understanding and argument of the model selected!

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Ok asalnya entry ni nak buat sesi meluahkan perasaan. Tuhan saja lah yg tahu betapa penat dan susah nya the past week has been. Kdg2 time kita busy giler2 dgn keja, time tu la plak anak kita sakit gusi nak tumbuh gigi geraham, merengek2 asyik nak nenen, x nak ngan Ayah dia, asyik nak ngan Ibu aje... so x dpt la gi lab, teman anak sakit punya psl, buat la kerja kat rumah. Sampaikan bg nenen pon sambil menaip kat laptop, sebelah tgn menaip, sebelah lg pangku dia. Lps sebelah, nak lg sebelah, pastu ulang balik sampai sekurang2 nya 3 kali.

Tu x pe lg, tp imagine la mcm mana la kerja tu nak siap bila dia dah start crying fit dia tuh... bersambung2 dan meleret2, sampai kdg biar aje la buat x dgr... kalo x nangis plak, pjg aje akal dia nak buat mcm2, pantang lepa. Tarik kabel laptop, conteng dinding rumah, tarik wayar mouse, tarik kertas2 jurnal semua, campak mouse ke lantai dgn sengaja, baling kamera sampai rosak dah kamera tu (x tau bila nak bole beli kamera baru ni), tunjuk perasaan la agaknya Ibu dia x layan dia. Pastu bila marah, nangis lg.. Ya Allah... Adui... ikutkan hati mmg rasa bersalah sgt, tp kerja pon nak kena jalan gak.. mcm mano? Nasib baik la dah azam baru x mahu tengking2 lg, tp mmg dlm hati Tuhan aje la tahu... Tp x pe la, ni la nama nya dugaan dan ujian kan... Ah... kemanisan berumah tangga dan asam garam parenting ...

Penat la rasanya nak tulis pjg2. Nak rehat la. Ikut hati mcm2 lg nak coret kan kat sini, tp x tertulis la. Nak bgtau je, bapakkkkk susah buat PhD ni, especially bila ada added responsibility as a mother kat bahu. Jauhhhhhhh lg senang time buat MSc dulu. Baru la sedar sbnarnya byk je masa lapang yg digunakan secara x berapa bernas masa buat MSc. Nasib baik la grad jgk.

Coretan utk diri sendiri ni. Supaya esok bila dah berjaya and ada student PhD sendiri yg kita supervise, especially those yg ada large family ke, I will remember what it's like and maybe kasi more empathy sket. Dan jg utk memotivasikan diri sbb ramai je mereka yg dpt Doctorate dan jadi Ibu dan suri rumahtangga yg berjaya, and I want to be one of them. Semua2 ni, character building nih utk menjadi Oyis yg terbaik, Insya Allah

Lab mate aku, Al, is a Godsend plak sbb of all the days kan, hari ni dia picked utk tanya how I am doing (after my SV meeting). Aku pon blurted out la, could have been better. If only I had more time to wrap everything up nicely. If only I had more time to do background reading on the existing perceptual models, baru la ada concrete evidence sket nak present kat Prof. Setakat ckp atas angin aku rasa nanti membuang masa Prof je jumpa aku. Pastu dia pon tanya aku managed ke siap report tu on time. Aku ckp la ye. Dia pon ckp la impressive, mengenangkan aku kena urus family lagi, bkn native english speaker lg... Dia kata dia yg single pon selalu extend deadline.

Pastu dia ckp jg, aku kena belajar give myself a break. Dia tahu aku slalu stay kat lab sampai pkl 9 mlm mcm tu wat kerja (tp aku masuk pon dah pkl 3 pm). Dia tahu aku bgn pg2 study. Dia kata aku patut mintak a few days off, apatah lg baru siap report ni kan. This is the perfect time! Dia kata aku patut learn to give myself some credit, dan jgn push myself too hard sampai nak muntah darah dah. In fact, dia kata, aku patut gi cari buku kat library psl managing PhD, and read it over the weekend. Jgn baca benda2 ilmiah lain. Light2 reading ajo.

Oleh sbb itu, aku pon nak challo awal lah hari ni ok. Am actually craving Mee Maggi yum yum. The only thing yg lebih best drpd itu ialah jika Mr Hubs tolong masakkan to perfection, not too kembang sampai lembik2 x de kuah, and not too mentah sampai bunyi krup krap. Pastu letak asam limau sket, teluar sket, udang sket. Wah kecur!



Aisyah yg dah pandai throw tantrum




4 comments:

Liyana said...

Yes, PhD is not the ultimate goal, it's just a journey. I learn a lot of things along this journey... about communication, appreciation,patience and definitely what we can give back to the society.

Enjoy the PhD roller-coster ride!

isabelle said...

it indeed is a roller-coaster ride, i suppose.
kalo skrg adam dah 2tahun pun dia mem'bon-bon' lagi dgn i smpi x larat...camna pulak when i do my phd and the 2nd baby (if any) is younger than that?
waaa..takut!!!!!!!

Oyis said...

liyana:
yup, tht's rite, but sometimes when there's just so many obstacles along the way, we just feelt like getting to the destination as soon as we can. but i'm sure i will miss this journey when it reaches its end :)

isabelle:
wah... isabelle, u mmg planning sungguh2 la ni ek nak kasi adam jadi big brother? i suppose better to have it before u start a PhD journey, rather than whilst doing, in terms of challenges, rasanya la. bcoz u only have 36 months utk wat PhD, and if u already spend 9 months of it being pregnant, 2 more in confinement, that leaves you with.. well... just 2 years! (u never know what kind of complications can arise as a result of a pregnancy kan? extreme morning sickness, fatigue, back pains, etc. i myself suffered from placenta previa which results in bleeding je kalo bergerak2 lebih sket, so more than 3 months bed-rest, tido makan shj, x pegi kerja. basically, gaji buto)

but i wouldn't know this for sure la, cuma ada pengalaman ada anak kecik before starting my PhD je, not whilst doing a PhD. however, many women have made it worked as well. some bersalin 2,3,4 kali during a phD, and still berjaya. but I would imagine cabaran nya lebih la! (Tabik spring setinggi2 nya to those women).

x tau la kalo ada rezeki lebih, mid PhD kalo Allah bagi, dgn lapang dada i terima amin... hehehe

walpolpo said...

alhamdulillah!!! have an enjoyable weekend.. yay...