Smlm menyepi, sbbnya mmg x masuk lab pon. Rasa down tp x tahu knp. Nak kata demo sangkut, x la, ok je. Aku rasa sbb I had a shocking realization that masa utk siapkan report itu adalah tggal sedikit. And that shook me to the core. Also, I know I shouldn't have compared myself to other PhDers, but I couldn't help myself. I have several friends that started the same time as I did, but at different institutions all over the world (Autumn 2008), and some had finished their Transfer presentation, some are close to finishing, etc. Me, on the other hand, tgh terkedek2 nak tulis report. True, I never really bothered asking if they had to do a prototype system just like I had, but it left me feeling awful about myself. People have told me to jgn compare2 ngan org lain kerana milestone kita semua berbeza, but I'm only human. Plus, kalo bawak kereta pon, kita x leh la jalan ke depan aje, mesti nak kena skali skala jeling ke kiri dan kanan kan? So I looked. But then I crashed. Haha.
Tambahan pula, a day prior to demo tu, Sifoo Sake had a ranting session with me about incompetent programmers in his office yg suka ckp besar tp penuh dgn hot air aje. So in an effort to proof them wrong, he and his junior engineer developed a 'proof of concept' overnight, and got it working the next day, humiliating the rest of the guys yg ckp berapi2 tu. For some reasons, aku plak yg sedih. Sake pulled an all nighter and that was all he needed? I had to work 4 bulan lebih on mine. Granted, he didn't have to go through all the reading and reasonings etc, but if I posess the super duper programming skills dah tentu bole sipa lebih laju dari skrg. Rasa mcm bodoh sgt plak..
Satu lg kan, aku rasa sbb aku dulu buat Master by research, bkn coursework-based, so aku bole ukur if I'm going this fast at this stage, then add another months to overall plan of completion. Lewat sebulan dua adalah tidak OK, kerana it all adds up. It's cumulative. Aku rasa semua yg dah pernah buat reseacrh pon bole agak. That's why ignorance is bliss. Baik la x tau. At least x pening kepala takut2 huhu...
Anyways, after having a heart-to-heart ngan Hubs, smgt aku kini pulih semula. Yesza!!!! I took the day off yesterday nak recover. Asalnya just nak amik half-day off je, membuto kat rumah sampai tghari, kononnya qadha tido la. Tp masa siap2 nak gi school tu Hubs pujuk2 suh x yah gi. Suh teman dia gi town la, and then setelkan hal2 billings, and kemas rumah yg dah mcm tongkang pecah. Ye la, last week mmg sampai Ahad pon gi lab sbb nak siapkan jgk demo. Pikir2 ok la, siap kan mana yg patut dulu, at least kalo tang umah setel, tang keja esoknya bole la tackle dgn senang hati. Nak tggu keja setel, bulan dpn belom tentu dah siap lg...
Berkat mendgr nasihat suami, these are the things yg aku dah managed buat:
1.Called Sky TV center (mcm Astro), removed some services, retained some services, add some services
2.Banked-in cheque (dpt reimbursement balik deposit utk melanggan talian telelpon setahun yg lps. Syukur la. Awal2 dulu mmg semua benda pon kena deposit. Skang dah setahun, dpt balik duit tu)
3.Made amendments to some details on our Home Insurance Agency
4.Simpan segala mala baju2 summer. Terus vacuum-packed utk jimat space
5.Buat book keeping for our receipts and audited all utility bills; gas, api, air, telepon, Sky, TV License, bank statement, etc. Tutup buku 2008-09, hello buku 2009-10
6.Susun semula sijil2 n dokumen2 personal kitaorg
7.Lipat a mountain of clothes setinggi 1 meter. Ye, sila percaya. Sbb mesin basuh rosak, Hubs gi laundry seminggu skali, and it costed us bloody 9 pounds per week.
8.Sental bilik air
9.Baju2 yg x muat (read: a few size bigger, bkn makin ketat, phew!) dan kasut2 yg x praktikal diletak dlm plastik beg hitam, utk dihantar ke Charity Shop
10.Masak utk dinner special sket, Nasi, Sup Ayam dan Udang masak Sambal Kicap
Mmg melegakan, sampai Hubs siap ckp, “Mengemas ni adalah stress reliever yg paling baik. Lebih baik drpd shopping.” Hmm... harus kah aku bersetuju?
Lebih lega lg, semasa kat town uruskan errands tu, sempat la naik Carousel dgn Aisyah. First time for her, tp Ibu and anak sama je excited nya. Siap menjerit2 x nak turun. Hehehe... If I were still single, mungkin I would go with the rest of the gang naik roller coaster di seberang jalan nun, tp, naik carousel pon dah cukup happy dah hehehe...
So it's back to work for me today. At least rumah I dah bersih u.... Nak kena clearkan kepala otak di opis plak huhu...........
oh btw, tinggal mesin basuh je isu nya x setel2 lg. Berapi betul la... Kat UK ni, nama je negara maju, tp kalo bab servis Sky ke, Virgin Media ke, British Telecom ke, Property Agent, mcm chee bye service dia *^%$#~^&*!!!!
Oleh sbb Ibu Aisyah kena bambu dgn Nek Mi psl x pakaikan Aisyah topi yg proper semasa gi tgk firework 2 mggu lps, Ibu belikan Aisyah winter hat terus, yg siap ada tutup telinga skali. Very fashionable style nih skang kat UK 
Oh ni 2 org yg x reti serik following insiden naik Spinning Tea Cups Ride yg lalu
Sebelum berlepas. Ibu yg over-excited. Untung ada Aisyah, kalo x, x merasa la Ibu naik Horsey lg hehehe... cover... cover...
In motion... laju gak weh benda ni pusing... pejam2 mata Aisyah lawan angin sejuk
Berenti right in front of Ayah. "OK Aisyah, the ride has finished".
"Cpt Aisyah. Kita dah nak kena turun ni"
Turun secara paksa. Sengaja bubuh gambar kelabu, x tunjuk budak meronta x puas naik horsey
"Ibu, nak naik lagi Ibu"
Pujuk Aisyah dgn ajak posing dpn funfair
X jalan. Masih nekad nak naik rides
Ayah plak angkat Aisyah. Sila lihat windows kedai. Sales utk Xmas sudah start, tp masih dlm 25% mcm tu. Sabar. Tggu Boxing Day.
Ayah n Aisyah dpn Biggest TV Screen in Plymouth
Budak ceria dpt lepas bebas!
Vacuum-packed extra duvets, T-Shirts and shorts. Bye bye guys. See you next summer la yo!
Sampah sarap dpt tiga beg. Sipi2 nmpk mesin basuh yg dah menemui ajal itu. Jasamu dikenang, BUT I need a blimming working washing machine NOW!!!!!
Book keeping system yg sudah kemas dan retrievable hehe..
My two lovely stress relievers!
7 comments:
releks la noris..aku pun tak siap2 lagi report ni..tapi dah mmg dalam ati nak buat 4 tahun so aku buat tak tau jee
BTW duit masuk tak klu tak antar report??
azri, report KPT tu mcm formaliti je, tp kena la buat. bkn report tu yg aku kejarkn, tp report utk transfer from MPhil to PhD, university aku nyer rules. ni siap mcm viva semua. gigil weh ingt2..
sama je mcm aku..aku pun tak buat lagi progress report lebih kurang mcm uni ko. Cuma sini dia panggil prospectus pastu kena buat 4 page je. so klu dari 4 page pun dorg tak yakin bole buat phd bole la babai.
so skrang ni strategy fabio is to submit paper so dah ada expert review..aku tak submit lagi paper wehhhh
Dalam buat PhD ni, different people will deal with different experience/problem/milestone/skill/knowledge/PhD requirement/etc. So 'jenguk skit2' aje dengan orang just to make sure takdela ketinggalan sangat2, tapi jangan jenguk lebih2, sebab nanti diri sendiri yang makan hati :D
Kita rasa it's not that you are not progressing greatly, it's just that without realising, you've put yourself one level ahead, comparing yourself with different kind of people now coz you've improved yourself (which is good!) Sebab kalau nak ikutkan, given the same time range, I'm sure you can tell that you're progressing way faster now compared to time MSc dulu. Tu belum masuk bab difficulty level lagi, in terms of the stuff you are doing now, compared to benda yang buat time MSc dulu...betul tak? Mesti ada beza punyalah! :)
Take care!
azri:
ko ada sampai bila nak wat prospectus tu azri?
MRM:
yup betul la tu psl mkn hati tu. kan dah terkena padah nya. x tau la kita compare ngan level mana, tp sometimes bila tgk persekitaran dlm lab, masih lagi menebal rupanya perasaan inferiority tu. but yes, mmg rasanya lebih better than masa MSc dulu la. anyway, as i said, satu lg yg wat stress is kekangan masa. tu yg menakutkan tu.. adeh
oyis;
aku ada sampai 18 bulan means that sampai pertengahan tahun depan..cuma skrang ni yg aku kisah is publication pasal nak kasi yakin sikit time prospectus.
apa yg mas ckp tu betul..jgn tengok progress org tapi tgk klu kita ni jauh sgt tinggal progress kita. so utk cek milestone la kot. ntah aku pun tak tau pasal aku jarang peduli pasal org lain. apa yang penting, kalau dia bole buat ko pun bole buat sama!!!
ko duk switz songsorg mmg tgk sepuluh batu ke kiri mahupon kanan x kan nmpk sesapa la utk wat compare hahah...
tp betul la tu, x patut amik port psl org lain pon
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