Thursday, November 24, 2011

Kambing Dalam Reban


Have you ever had the thoughts in your head like, "what the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here! These people are wayyyyy out of my league"?


Atau,

"Bloody hell, how can make a U-turn this far in the game?" *gulp*


Aku ada. Selalu plak tu. Kdg2 rasa mcm Kambing dalam Reban Ayam pon ye jgk. Sorg mengembekkk, sorg berkokok. Tp live in harmony chewah... Lately ni thoughts like these lebih menguasai jiwa, mungkin sbb aku dah float my head above experiments ni semua, and can sort of see my so-called 'contributions' in the field, and I'm like, WHAT THE... ?


Especially in an interdisciplinary lab like mine, most students punya contribution can be heard and proven aurally, as well as experimentally. Mine? Well, nak kata interface pon x, artistic pon x sgt, more towards empirical analysis. But then aku takut sgt kalo kena fire tang contributions to the musical community, kalo2 examiners challenge, "So EFFING what?"


Haih, tp makkk pasrah je lah uols. Perjuangan dah 2/3 jalan selesai, so kalo bole amend, amend secukup nya. Kurang garam, tambah garam. Kurang gula, tambah gula. X sedap langsung, buh Ajinomoto lebih2 sket. Janji boleh mkn dan mengenyangkan. Asal saja jgn buang langsung ke tanah benda yg dah kita mula kan ni. Yg penting, bkn lah brp sedap masakan kita (altho diakui, kalo boleh mmg la nak masak sedap2 biar org makan berkali and impressed habis si pemakan), tp at least daripada kita x tahu masak sesuatu benda tu, kita dah belajar cara2 betul nak memasak benda tu. Insya Allah kalo buat lain kali, kesalahan yg sama x diulang lagi. Betul x? Btw, ni analogi je la kan, you do know I'm talking about my PhD and bukan cooking skills kan?


Tell me, tell me, tell me, my readers yg dah go through this, are thoughts like these are normal? Apsal aku x ingat plak feeling2 ni masa MSc dulu, walhal buat MSc by research jugak...

5 comments:

MRM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MRM said...

I did feel the same thing, even until now. Cumanya sekarang ni dah kurang sikit la. But when I was at your stage, the feeling was ala2 kambing dalam reban juga :P. Don't worry too much, rasanya most people will feel the same, excluded those yang super duper genius / people with very high confidence level lar. But kita perasan kalau baca sekali dua kerja kita, we will feel very inferior. But as we go along, we try to digest it more, answer some spot questions regarding our research methods, we will feel better because although our work may not sounded too great (still, since it's the same work, hehe), but at least if we can be prepared with all the questions that might be asked, rasa sedap hati sikit la. So at the stage I'm now, I'm feeling better (sebab dah listkan all the lubangs in my work, faced them, and accepting them :P). Feeling better doesn't mean that confirm everything's gonna be OK, but that's the best that I can do, so selebihnya redha dan berserahlah kepadaNya.

Lia Sakinah said...

I always feel that way & sometimes feel totally trapped in that feeling but couldn't get out... buat rasa sesak dada, letih dan helpless...

Sorry noris, unable to motivate you like what Mas did, coz i myself feel stranded in this phd land...huhuhu

mamaNoriz said...

akak tak sampai tahap oyis lah, korang semua teror...huhuu...

Oyis said...

MRM: i know, key dia preparation kan. to entahlah, dah tua bangka ni pon kdg2 penyakit procrastination and last minute tu x bole nak curb lg. unlike u, awak mmg dari awal kita respek bab planning and execution

lia: mmg lia, but sama2 la kita bersabar and get thro it huhu. no way out...

mamanoriz: ish kak, x de la. buat PhD x bermakna terror or better. it's part of life's challenges je, nothing more. it's good to hear komen2 drpd org yg x buat / belom buat PhD as well as org yg tgh/dah buat PhD, coz it puts things into perspectives jgk.