Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Sejarah Mengajar Kita Menjadi Lebih Dewasa

Today I went to visit a grieving friend today who had just had a miscarriage earlier in the week. Miscarriage, is one of the things I don’t really like to talk about these days, but had once been the central topic of my previous blog. Oleh sbb komuniti Melayu kat Plymouth ni kecik aje, and since I was one of the two people dlm komuniti ni yg pernah miscarried, I put myself in her shoes (dah la baru kawen, masih muda, jauh dari family, first pregnancy lagi) and braved myself to knock on her house door to see how she was doing.

There wasn’t much that can be said when things like this happens. All you could do is listen and understand to what the other party has to say, without really probing too much into the sequence of story coz the pain might still be too raw to bear. Heck, it’s been three years plus for me, and I am blessed with a beautiful daughter after the incident Alhamdulillah, but when I got talking (niatnya nak memujuk), I still ended up welling up too.

It’s a bit silly menjadikan org sedih bertambah2 menangis with my sappy stories plak, but I don’t really want to be those people yg ckp benda2 surface aje, but not really meaning it. Like ayat drama la kan, ‘Sabar lah…’. Pastu expect org tu terus2 je happy and can get on with living. More importantly, I don’t want to offend her by saying things that are meant to be encouragement and compassion, but at that place and time jadi menaikkan darah plak, like ‘Semua yg berlaku ada hikmah nya’, or ‘Awak muda lagi, byk lg peluang nak pregnant lps ni’…. Semua yg dicakapkan tu mmg betul, tp pada masa tu, ckp la apa pon, semua pon x nak dgr. That’s why I bared my story to her, in the hope that she will know that I understand her pain, and more importantly, Allah tetap Maha Pemurah, Maha Penyayang, Insya Allah ada penggantinya, which brings about hope. I know that bcoz I had gone through it. I hope I had helped her in some ways, and bukannya membuatkan keadaan lebih teruk.

I think the part that left me and her teary eyed was when I relayed to her what the nurse had once relayed to me right after D&C, ‘Takpe dik, dia tunggu kita kat sana…’ Terngiang2 lg kata2 tu. Powerful ayat tu, kerana pada aku memberi ketenangan sbb tahu ‘dia’ ok berada di bawah ramah Allah dan jg memberi pengharapan bahawa esok2 bila dapat masuk Syurga, insya Allah dapat jua bertemu dgn ‘dia’.

Hubs had always said to me that the miscarriage has shaped to make me a stronger person. Until today I had refused to believe him, mainly bcoz I was stubborn enough to admit that he was right. But he is. Without this experience I would not have the knowledge to know what it’s like, maybe even be one of those ignorant people who puts their shoes in their mouths. I pray that Allah gives my friend the strength to overcome this stressful period.

Belek2 entry di blog lama was like reliving a bit of the whole incident. Needless to say, it was hell-ish. Bunyi mcm penulisan org psycho pon ada jgk, tp it was just me grieving. But I never regret putting it in writing, sbb bila check2 stats balik, pwarghh, ada 12000 plus org dah belek page tu (dulu2 ada dlm 1000 je, tu pon amongst friends and I was already too chuffed!). Some left comments even wayyyyyy after the posting date, saying that they could relate with the post (bcoz they had had a m/c too) and how sorry they were for my loss. Komen2 sebegitu made me feel that se-rubbish2 penulisan aku, ada jgk manfaatnya, in which it gave people the feeling that they are not alone and maybe even the strength to move on. Walaupon I don’t write about those stuff anymore, semoga entry di blog ni pon memberi manfaat kepada pembacanya, khususnya bab2 sharing knowledge on PhD-related materials and Breastfeeding, Insya Allah.

All I can sum up is, never underestimate org lain punya grieving process, and if you cant say anythin nice, don't say anything at all.

No pic today, sbb atmosphere is quite gloom. Ada lg beberapa update:

- Seorg warga komuniti Plymouth lost an uncle last night. Condolences to him and his family, and Al-Fatihah to the departed.

- Seorg lg warga Plymouth yg tgh heavily pregnant warded for backpains and bleeding on and off. Prayers to her and baby.


sumpit said...

aku ingat lg incident tu.Aku sendiri pon cam in denial je when u told me about it. Terkejut!

Then kuar masuk clinic lak lepas tu, aku pulak geram kat clinic tu cam tak buat keje betol2. But i guess mesti ada kot hikmah di sebaliknya...

minona amar navi said...

saya penah miscarriage b4 n blom ade rezki ke 2.. 1 mende yg sy sakit ati sgt2 mase sy dalam pantang miscarriage,
" same je sakit org sakit bersalin n misscarriage"
bg sy different sbb skurang2nya sakit org bersalin dpt la enjoy d baby kalo nak bandingkan yg kehilangan n kesakitan...


Mama Zharfan said...

wpun me tak pernah m/c, tp me pernah mengalami premature contraction masa me preggykan zharfan 5 bln--memang dh 50-50 gak masa tu, me sempat warded for a week, siap masuk dua hospital lagi..
Alhamdulillah, Tuhan jaga my baby and bagi me peluang melahirkan Zharfan bila cukup 9 bln :)

yatie chomeyl said...

i x pernoh m/c so somehow reading this entry buat i akan lebih berhati2 kalu berdepe ore2 m/c lepas ni

isabelle said...

i masih risau what if it happens masa dah hjg2 ni. kalo dlm beberapa bulan pertama tu, maybe x la seteruk dah gendong 8,9bulan.

p/s: woh....tajuk mcm lagu ramli sirap la.kekeke