It's been a week since Mak left us.
It's been pretty tough. It doesn't matter that we're all in our thirties, fourties. A loss of a mother is the hardest hit. In the span of three years, I've lost both my mom (Umi) and my MIL (Mak). It is very, very sad. Especially since most of my friends around still have both Moms actively around in their lives. Holidays (like right now) are the hardest. Witnessing on FB everyone's happy moments with their complete set of family members without a smidge of envy is a huge challenge. I must remember that Allah loves both of my Moms more and there are reasons why things happen as they do.
In this entry, I'd like to cherish what Mak meant to me.
My relationship with Mak has been somewhat different from the relationship that I had had with my own Umi. Mak was a more traditional type - she was not the huggy, kissy, touchy, feely type like Umi was. Nor was she the joking poking kind (again, like Umi was, haha). And as a daughter in law, I suppose I was more guarded and behaved more conservatively when she was around - out of respect, as most Malaysian girls are brought up to. But I'm not here to do a direct a comparison of the two mothers. Because Umi was Umi and Mak was Mak.
And Mak was the best MIL for me.
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She was always laid back and relaxed, and let us younglings figured things out ourselves.
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She gave us space to know our errors and learn from it. Even if Hubs and I argued, she would not pick sides (ok, sometimes she would side with me, but that's because the wife is almost always right, right?).
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She was never a meddler (ever) but would give the right advice when solicited.
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If there was anything she was unhappy with me, I certainly never heard it from anyone else - she would tactfully talk to me about it.
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She was very forgiving to have a DIL who neither possessed any cooking skills nor do all things kampungs (I'm sorry, but it is the truth especially at the beginning of our married life tee hee).
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She was never a laser-mouth (a label given to those who are sharp tongued), even when most of her siblings were (mostly in a joking manner, but Boy, did I hate those digs dished out at me at weddings or other family functions).
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She never once pressured us into giving her grandchildren (we had waited whilst I was finishing my Master degree - not all MIL in Malaysia can practice this openly).
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She supported our decision to move temporarily to the UK whilst I did my PhD, even if it meant taking her granddaughter away from her for a good four years.
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She probably didn't have a clue what a PhD was, much less viva voce, but I am very certain that it was her prayers (along with the prayers of others) that got me through it all successfully in the end (and all the other successes in life thus far).
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There's just so many other things that made Mak special and I love her for them all.
I hope that one day I will be as cool as Mak was with my daughter in law (whoever that is written to be). I pray this as I stare at Zayd who is currently playing the dinosaur game on the lappy beside me in his jammers, whilst singing 'Lompat si Katak Lompat', oblivious to the emotions his Mummy is going through.
Semoga Mak aman di sana.
Al-Fatihah
