The Guilt Card

Children are great at playing the 'Guilt Card' against their parents, especially those who can talk quite fluently enough to speak their minds. I don't think at Aisyah's age it is done with manipulative intentions, but still, they leave quite an impact.

Below are some snippets of our conversation yesterday that left me feeling guiltier than ever.

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Case 1

Aisyah came home from school sambil menunjukkan kerja rumah pada hari itu. Diorg ada system where each student is required to read a book with parents at home (to reinforce spelling skills they learnt at school). Setiap kali habis reading kat rumah, parents must sign the log book. I'd been very punctual and anal about this, mmg aku kalo komen x pernah sket dlm ruangan tu, kdg2 guna dua kotak skaligus sbb byk sgt nak write down (eh blogger, biasa la kan, we document everything). But anyway, since yesterday (Monday) was her first day back at school, and we did the homework long, long ago, aku terlupa nak catat komen. So when she came back home she showed me yg cikgu dia tanda ??? plus icon muka sedih :( dkt ruangan komen. Uh-oh.

Aisyah: Mom, you're the ONLY mommy who didn't write ANYTHING in the log book *muka sedih gile*

Ouch.

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Case 2

Masih lg semalam. Dlm pkl 4.30 ptg dia dtg dkt aku yg tgh menulis tesis dan ckp, 'My tummy hurts'. Seperti yg dijangka, perut dia masuk angin, sbb nya aku tgk lunch box dia x berusik. Kata Aisyah, dia sibuk menceceh dgn kawan dia masa lunch (first day of school kan, byk la tu nak gosip masa rehat), sampai x sempat mkn. So aku pon amik minyak ubat and sapu kat perut dia (dia feeling2 massage kat spa gitu).

Aisyah: Can we put this on our face?

Me: No, only on our tummy where it hurts

Aisyah: Can we put it on our back?

Me: Yes, if it hurts there

Aisyah: On my legs?

Me: Yes, if your legs hurt too

Aisyah: Like last night? My legs hurt and I cried, but YOU didn't put ubat. You just kept SLEEPING

Double ouch!

PS: Dia refer kpd insiden 2 mlm dulu. Kdg2 dlm tido dia nangis perlahan2 sbb kaki dia lenguh, understandably sbb dah masuk musim sejuk skang kaki kdg2 cram. Tp kdg2 aku bo-layan, dgn x bukak mata aku gosok2 sket (tanpa minyak) then suruh dia tido semula huhu. Teruk kan? Tp mana tahan beb, buat tesis sampai pkl 1 - 2 pagi, pastu golek2 atas katil sejam baru lelap, skali dikejut2 kan suh urut betis plak. Selagi x sakit sgt, sengal sket2 aku suh tido je. Rupanya anak dara memendam perasaan!

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Case 3

Masih lg adegan gosok menggosok perut. Aku ckp kat Aisyah, kalo nak rehat kat sblh aku sbb sakit perut, tido lah. Dia ckp dia x bole tido sbb lampu bilik pasang, silau.

Aisyah: I can't sleep because the light is on. Like last night, I woke up many, many times because YOU didn't put the light off. 

Aiyark, dia perasan rupanya mlm2 lps dia tido aku bukak lampu and resume tulis tesis sampai wee hours of morning. Aisyah sleeps around 9 pm, and usually after baca bed time stories and gurau dgn dia, aku put the lights off and she goes to bed. Bila aku yakin dia dah sound asleep, aku sambung tulis tesis dlm bilik tu. Ingatkan dia x sedar, sbb dia x de merengek kata silau ke apa. Rupanya ada jg time2 dia tersedar tu huhu. tapi again, pendam perasaan la agaknya tido dlm kesilauan. Aduhai anak, kasihan kamu, penangan tesis Mommy, tido mu x berapa berkualiti... huhu...

Strike three within the span of 15 minutes cik Aisyah...

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Last but not least, we have decided to place Aisyah in the After School Club dkt sekolah dia. Reason being, so that I have more time to finish off my thesis. The rate isn't so bad, for an hour £4, extra 2 hours £8, extra 3 hours £10 a day. Kalo tahu dari awal ada servis ni, mungkin dah amik dari dulu lagi, although mungkin bukan hari2 la sbb mahal jg kan. Smlm gi tgk2 kelab nya (dkt sekolah dia jgk, cuma bkn under curriculum, just mcm pusat transit sementara ibubapa habis kerja), and Aisyah mmg betul2 x nak pegi. Mcm2 alasan dia bg, 'The girls don't like me' (budak2 lain dlm kelab tu, padahal dia x kenal pon lg, 'If I come home late I won't have time to do my homework', 'I don't know the teachers', etc.. etc...

Even pg ni pon masa hntr dia gi sekolah dah ckp kat dia, hari ni balik lambat, dia buat muka cuak dan sugul. Walhal slalu gi sekolah riang ria. I don't know why, tp budak2 kalo parents tinggalkan mesti diorg ingat ianya adalah satu hukuman, like they have done something wrong yg kita x nak bersama dgn diorg lg. Hii... hati mommy mana yg x rasa bersalah. Lebih bikin sayu lg, skang dah winter, 4.50 ptg dah Maghrib, and kalo aku pick up dia pkl 5 ptg, wah, dah gelap betul dkt luar. Dari pagi sampai ke mlm x pegi amik2 lg anak nya dari sekolah. Rasa guilty oooo... tp terpaksa la... Ni pon berdebar menunggu apa kesudahan hari ni. Harap2 dia x nangis...