Friday, December 21, 2012

Off My Chest

Hari ni, Jumaat (21/12/2012), hari terakhir Aisyah bersekolah buat tahun ni. Tahun depan, 2013, In Shaa Allah, dia masih sempat bersekolah for a couple of weeks, before kena leave school for good utk balik Msia. So skang aku dlm mode sedih, sebak, pilu, campur2. 


Lately aku mmg dah terasa la aura2 nak balik Msia tu. Tak dinafikan, mmg sedih sgt2. Maklumlah, tempat jatuh lg dikenang. Inikan pula tempat bermastautin selama 4 thn lebih lama nya. Sebenarnya, sedih aku ni lebih kepada Aisyah. Utk diri sendiri tu ada la jg, tp aku dah biasa. Sebelum buat PhD ni pon, bbrp belas tahun dahulu dah pernah menetap di UK utk 3 thn lebih, buat O-Levels dan A-Levels pada masa tu, so aku dah bole agak mcm mana rasa sedih dia, dan mcm mana rasa transition yg akan berlaku awal2 balik Msia nanti. The first few weeks mmg akan rasa mcm blur2 dan x tahu nak start kat mana, but In Shaa Allah bole handle. Cuma the heat je lah, Masha Allah, will get to us, if I remember correctly from masa balik cuti2 tahun 2010 hari tu (air-cond 24 jam for several days!!!). 


But, bila tgk wajah mulus anak, rasa kasihan dan tertanya2 mcm mana penerimaan dia nanti. So far, bila borak2 topik balik Msia je, air muka dia mmg berubah. Dia mmg x nak. Mula2 dulu dia ingat balik Msia ni, as in pegi holiday kot. Dia suka aje nak jumpa Nek Mi, Tok dan cousin2 dia semua. Bila explain betul2, nak 'move' to Msia, dia mcm jd unhappy sket. Although she is only 4 yrs old, ckp dia mmg mcm budak2 besar, sbb aku slalu ajak sembang kot. Antara statement2 yg dia pernah ckp regarding this matter are, 'I don't want to go back to Msia. The children there won't like me', or 'I don't want new friends. I want my old friends', or 'I don't want to go to a new school. I like this school'. Dia dah slalu2 ckp tahun dpn dia masuk Year 1 (naik kelas kat sini). Paling heavy, smlm dia ckp, 'I don't want to start a new life'. Mana hati x robek?


Tidak lah ini bermakna aku ni ibarat kacang lupakan kulit. Bukan jg aku implying that UK is so much better than Msia, sampaikan x reti2 nak balik. Juga jgn lah kalo ada family member yg baca, sampai kecik hati. Aku tau diorg tgh counting days ni bila la kapal terbang kami nak mendarat di KLIA. Kami pon excited nak reunite. Cuma, it's never easy to make a change kan? We have been so complacent with this lifestyle now, and tiba2 nak uproot is just madness, I feel. Aisyah apatah lg. Though she wasn't born here, she entered this country at age 4 months. As far as she is concerned, THIS IS HOME. Kalo tanya dia pon, dia kata dia berbangsa 'English'. English is her main language, Plymouth is home, there are four seasons in a year, and never forget to put on your coat before you head out. Her first tooth, first steps, first school, first friends, and countless of other firsts, were all  made here. Her entire life (thus far) is here.  


Don't get me wrong, of course la excited nak balik jumpa family, nak settle down, nak fokus on family, work, nak beraya, nak balik kg, nak expose anak kpd Islam dgn lebih lg, and top of all, kalo balik dgn jaya nya mmg syukur tidak terkata coz that's what we came here for... but, God, I can't say I won't miss this place. 


Aku tahu, bkn anak aku sorg je kena melalui. Beribu2 lg anak2 org lain yg sama2 ikut mak pak belajar or kerja dan kena balik Msia go through the same thing. Like I said, me and my adik beradik did too. In fact, kami melalui nya bbrp kali. Masa aku baya Aisyah pon, kena separated with friends jgk, from Virginia, USA balik Msia, then later pada usia remaja tu from UK balik Msia. Tapi, penerimaan budak ni lain2, and I know my child, dia ni agak sensitif sket jiwa nya. Setengah budak 2 minggu terus bole adapt, setengah tu amik masa yg lebih lama. I myself have seen the effect of balik Msia on my two brothers, mmg efek jgk la academically and also self-esteem yg destroyed sket sbyk. Of course, it takes time nak put your feet in the ground kan, find new friends, be comfortable with the weather, food, catch up with the language, school work, etc, etc... Moga2 kami tabah.


My mom ckp aku ok je masa dibawak balik from USA dulu (baya2 Aisyah). I hope dia pon mcm aku, and I hope aku pon strong jg. Masa balik from UK dulu (post-A Levels), mmg I thought the world was unfair la (kes x nak balik sbb ada offer utk sambung degree undergrad di UK, tp x dak funding). Now dah x la, x de sbb nak rebel kan, dah lebih matang kan eheh. Semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan kami, sebelum balik dan selepas dah balik nnt.


Hubs kalo entry2 mcm ni mmg ni muak, aku tahu. Maybe even mengundang tindakan tatatertib drpd beliau kjp lg (me might get a spanking, ouch! :P).  Even aku ckp aku sedih mengenangkan nasib Aisyah pon, dia bo-layan. Siap takut2kan aku dgn cerita2 org fail viva dsb nya, i.e. don't waste my energy pikir psl benda x leh ubah, baik pikir strategy utk lulus cemerlang dgn viva, something that I CAN and SHOULD be working for (his way of distracting me from sedih2, suruh takut2 dan gabra plak). Typical Martian betul org laki nih, x tahu ke us girls mmg mull over things yg sedih2 for a good while, then cry a good bucketful, tp lps tu baru la dtg kekuatan dari dlm. Tu la, org suh baca buku 'Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus' by John Gray, dia mencebik aje. Ish ish... tapi aku tetap tulis gak entry ni, sbb aku tau, bbrp hari ni je aku sedih2, after this, aku mesti dah x sempat nak syahdu2 sgt. With packing, shipping, terminating services, persediaan viva, and ultimately making our way to London to board on that flight, dah konfem x sempat nak pikir dah psl syahdu syahdan ni. So biar lah perasaan ini sempat didokumentasikan sblm tertimbus dgn segala mcm tugas lagi. At least bila dah siap tulis ni, rasa mcm ada closure sket, perhaps will get me working on my viva preparation. 


Ok, half an hour 'till home time utk pick up Aisyah. I'll end this post with a nostalgic picture of me (and my brother and mom, and another brother dlm perut ibuku, circa 1987, dpn Embassy of Malaysia di USA). Bless me mum, she is younger than my now age in this picture, and already anak nak masuk tiga org, semua handle di luar negara and jauh from family plak tu! Anyway, point is, since she said it wasn't big a deal utk anak2 adapt lps balik ke Msia and I guess she must right seeing what I fine younfg lady I turned out to be after being uprooted at 6 years old (hehe), I hope Aisyah won't be scarred for life too :)



PS: Comel x aku Ada iras x aku masa kecik and Aisyah skrg? 

PSS: Oh, oh, ni entry aku yg ke-1000. Woot woot!!!!



 

9 comments:

WaNNi said...

Salam, k wani pun alami dilema yg sama. nurin pun declare yg dia english huhuhu tak sesuai langsung dgn wajah jawa :) nak tak nak kena hadap juga transition period ni sambil berdoa yg segalanya dipermudahkan utk anak. Alhamdulillah utk k wani agak mudah, dari segi pre-school, k wani jumpa yg bagus wlau bkn qdees/smart reader tp byk perkembangan n anak k wani tak takut pegi sekolah. Cikgu pun ok,takde komplen dari anak tu pun dh bersyukur sgt. Ada gak yg nurin merungut pasal bugs n panas tapi kena bagi ceramah sikit la. Sekarang ni k wani tgh risau dia nak masuk darjah 1 ni tapi semua parent pun akan risaukan.

Insya'allah semuanya ok, cuma kena sabar sikit.

Ayu azmir said...

semoga semuanya dipermudhkan

Min Aina Ila Aina said...

Aisyah sebenarnya beruntung, pernah jadi orang luar negara macam mak dia juga...ada pengalaman yang budak-budak lain tak ada. ramai budak-budak Malaysia tak pernah pun ke luar negara. InsyaAllah manusia boleh adapat, tak kira umur.

Chekgu Azrine said...

semoga dipermudahkan ye sis..

Mama Zharfan284 said...

i paham...
my zharfan sampai sekrg kdg2 tanya bila nak balik UK and kenapa kita tak dok kat UK...kdg2 dia teringat kwn2 dia kat Radford Primary school..dia kata sgt fun and enjoy sek kat situ...:(

sumpit said...

sampai 2 kali aku baca, sedih aku imagine aisyah ckp camtu. Tp dia kan extrovert and friendly cam ko, I'm sure she'll do just fine.
Tp aku rasa ko kena bg dia tere ckp melayu dulu kot b4 masuk skolah, sbb sometimes, kids her age can be quite cruel. Kalu diorg 2-3 tahun, ok lg kot, blum tau apa2.

CeqGu said...

hurm syahdu pulak baca. benda lain tu tak risau sangat. tang school kat mesia ni yg mungkin dia akan rasa sangat2 lain. aisyah ni ada cikit2 macam ibu dan cik anis dia la ;p. pk macam2, tapi lepas tu ok jer hihihi. yer la dia pun membesar kat sanakan. tak pun noris cerita la benda best2 kat mesia. bgtau jugak kat dia,kawan2 dia satu hari nanti pun akan tinggalkan dia jugak. manalah tau kot2 terkesan kat ati dia.

3yearshousewife said...

Oyis, hehehe, sgt faham perasaan tu. Bahkan K.As yg nangis masa last day the children at school. Sama macam twins K.As, many of their firsts were in the UK. Hampir meleleh air mata, the twins melalak 'let's go home' masa kami baru 3 hari balik Msia. There will be first few difficult weeks but inshaallah , she'll be fine. But UK will always be in her mind just like my children.

noris said...

k wanni: oh nurin nak masuk darjah 1 dah? cptnya masa berjalan. smg semua berjalan lancar. kalo di msia, esok la kan start?

ayu azmir: thank you :)

min aina ila aina: in shaa Allah bole adapt, cuma harapnya bole adapt sooner than later lg bagus. tabahkanlah hati mummy nya sama menghadapi karenah dan penyesuaian nnt

chekgu azerine: thanks chekgu

MZ: susahkan nak jawab soalan tu2? budak2 pon tahu beza dah. zharfan lg la, dah besar sket, sure ingatan dia lg kuat

sumpit: wah sampai 2 kali baca tu. kwn aku pon ckp dia siap sedu sedan nangis baca entry yg ni (tp dia x komen la, kawan in real life). tp dah mmg ini writing came from the heart. sedih yg membaca, sedih lagi yg menulis huhu... anyway, aku setuju sgt dgn pendapat ko tu, in fact aku and saiful pon rasa mcm kami nak keep her home dulu, x yah rushing2 masuk sekolah. takut nnt dia ada laguage barrier, terus x suka gi sekolah, jenuh nak mujuk. kira homeschool la gitu, for the first 3-4 months, or maybe 6 months, we don't really mind. baru umur 5 thn pon kan. kalo di UK ni ye la, rasa ketinggalan sbb 5 thn dah Year 1. Msia masih lg tadika, followed by another year of tadika tahun dpn nya, so apa lah sgt she will miss pon

cheGu arenis: mmg pon, she is a worrier, like me and you hehe. dah cuba cerita psl msia(slow talk mlm2 sblm tido), nmpk nya taktik dah slowly berjaya, skang dah bole terima hakikat nak balik msia for good (maybe sbb tgk kotak2 packing dah byk), tp the first few nights ber-slow talk dgn dia tu, masya Allah, pasti bersudah dgn linangan air mata sampai abg saiful kata jgn ckp lah lg psl ni, buat susah dia nak tido :P

K As: K As, sekolah kat sini masih cuti, minggu dpn baru depa bukak. saya rasa jgn kan last day, hari saya nak 'drop the bomb' to the teachers tu saya rasa saya akan surrender air mata dah. mi tgh berkira2 dlm kepala nak susun ayat pon jd sebak. aduhai, the twins ckp nak go home ke? susah + sedihnya nak jawab... kwn anak saya yg kat plymouth tp br je balik msia pon cerita mcm tu jg anak dia menangis2, mintak 'i want to go home, i don't like msia'. lps dgn mak2 dia skali nangis kat situ jgk huhu