Countdown

Still here, still sane (altough my sanity is quickly diminishing)..

A lot has been prepared, but still, there are tonnes to be sorted.. I'm really losing my head now...

Moments like these, all you can do is laugh.. You know, the I'm-on-Prozac kinda laugh...

Sorry this is more like a rant, but spare me, please. It's a very, very hard time for me. I've let down tears (x nak ngaku nangis) a couple of times now, especially last night when we picked up the last remaining baby items at my mom's. It had been a good year since we started moving in with my mom, and I was very slow in making the transition to our own house, even after I finished my confinement period. But even then, Aisyah still spent many hours during the day at my Mom's, mainly bcoz I worked, so plenty of her stuff were left at her grandma's house. Having to pick up those items was so, so hard, for both me and my Mom. Sigh...

I feel like I'v robbed Aisyah from her family, namely her grandparents. Aisyah is my parents's first grandchild, and without doubt that makes her really special. And I feel like such a jerk for taking her away from all those who love her. Why does this have to be so tough... Shoot, man..

Part of me just wished that I didn't have to go through this. Why didn't I just opt to do my PhD locally? By the end of it all, I'll have a PhD, and Aisyah will get to spend a whole lot of time with her grandparents. Ill be happy, Aisyah'll be happy, everyone'll be happy. Right?

But then again, I was never forced to do this. I chose to do it. Me and Hubs made a pact to go through it together as a team, no matter what lies ahead. And I'm thankful that out of thousands who've applied, that little me got chosen for the scholarship. Really, I am. But separation from the family that I've grown up with for 27 years is so, so hard.

So far, I've been playing dumb and tried to put it off my mind everytime the subject of moving to UK came up. Now I can't pretend no more. How do you pretend when you have less than 48 hours to go? God help me!

I'm numb... I really am.. Better take that shower now... You know you're a zombie when it's 5.35 p.m. and you're still clad in your pajamas, unable to shower bcoz you have so many things to do. Moving sucks, big time!