Saturday, October 25, 2008

Countdown

Still here, still sane (altough my sanity is quickly diminishing)..

A lot has been prepared, but still, there are tonnes to be sorted.. I'm really losing my head now...

Moments like these, all you can do is laugh.. You know, the I'm-on-Prozac kinda laugh...

Sorry this is more like a rant, but spare me, please. It's a very, very hard time for me. I've let down tears (x nak ngaku nangis) a couple of times now, especially last night when we picked up the last remaining baby items at my mom's. It had been a good year since we started moving in with my mom, and I was very slow in making the transition to our own house, even after I finished my confinement period. But even then, Aisyah still spent many hours during the day at my Mom's, mainly bcoz I worked, so plenty of her stuff were left at her grandma's house. Having to pick up those items was so, so hard, for both me and my Mom. Sigh...

I feel like I'v robbed Aisyah from her family, namely her grandparents. Aisyah is my parents's first grandchild, and without doubt that makes her really special. And I feel like such a jerk for taking her away from all those who love her. Why does this have to be so tough... Shoot, man..

Part of me just wished that I didn't have to go through this. Why didn't I just opt to do my PhD locally? By the end of it all, I'll have a PhD, and Aisyah will get to spend a whole lot of time with her grandparents. Ill be happy, Aisyah'll be happy, everyone'll be happy. Right?

But then again, I was never forced to do this. I chose to do it. Me and Hubs made a pact to go through it together as a team, no matter what lies ahead. And I'm thankful that out of thousands who've applied, that little me got chosen for the scholarship. Really, I am. But separation from the family that I've grown up with for 27 years is so, so hard.

So far, I've been playing dumb and tried to put it off my mind everytime the subject of moving to UK came up. Now I can't pretend no more. How do you pretend when you have less than 48 hours to go? God help me!

I'm numb... I really am.. Better take that shower now... You know you're a zombie when it's 5.35 p.m. and you're still clad in your pajamas, unable to shower bcoz you have so many things to do. Moving sucks, big time!

3 comments:

Mummy HnH@arnie said...

Oyis,

Rasanya oyis dah edit entry nie yer? (Maaf yer kalau tersilap)Sbb saya actually nak komen about 'that' issue... If i were in ur shoes, i would feel the same... Lagipon, nak tinggalkan mesia lama juga, kalau boleh taknak laa ader 'silly' (sbb bukan kita yg buat) mess kat umah... Perhaps, u should spend the last few hours nie from a place yg lepas u pergi, still ader org kat umah tue... Cthnya, from ur mom's... erm, nak komen pjg lagi tapi takut kena sensored plak... heheh, sorry ekk oyis...

Ttg pi UK plak, owh, don't feel sorry about that... Setiap yg berlaku ader hikmahnya... (chewah!) Chances nie bukan sumer org dpt tau... Saya pon teringin, tp ader problem laa, camner nak calculate my results to CGPA... Japan xguna CGPA... So, honestly, saya sgt2 jeles dgn oyis nie... heheh... But, thanx sgt2, sbb sejak berkenalan dgn oyis (or lbh tepat blog oyis), saya sgt2 inspired... I'm struggling towards it... Kalau berjaya, nnt saya update... Thanx ya!

Have a safe journey!!! *wink*

Alfian_Troxion said...

by now U shud be in UK oredi insya-Allaah. Wish U all the best.

Just one pesanan kot2 la it can help. There will be a transition period... and with yerself and the baby and yer hubby, all adapting to the new environment... things are gonna get a bit challenging :)

Stress might creep in (as it did for me during my '1st' PhD :P). I think, it would be good to get settled down as soon as you can (as in carik umah sewa cecepat...)... lepas tu kang... bila satu2 benda dah settle... thing will be ok insya-Allaah :D

walaupun komen aku ni takde kaitan sangat ngan post :P hehehehe. aku harap2 it can help. Oh... n dont forget to call on yer PhD mates kalau ada prob. ET tu kau msg je hari2. kacau dia sampai dia muntah. hua hua hua!!!!

oraits. Selamat berPHD dan selamat Hari Guru :D

Oyis said...

mummy h&H:

hehe.. ada edit sket.. x pe la... prob kecik je tu, cuma masa tgh packing2 tu, sgt2 serabut.. bila baca balik cam mean sgt plak hehe..

nnt kalo arnie further tudy, kabar2 kan la... yeh


pyan:
thx utk nasihat tu. mmg kalo bole nak ettle cecept, as u said, tp x tau la secepat mana leh wat tu. doakan la agar aku dpt melepasi transition period ni dg aman yeh?