I have an appointment with Hospital Serdang tomorrow, and another appointment with HPAN the day after. I have a strong feeling that at both visits (should I choose to go), I will be warded for close monitoring, if not induced straight away for it was decided earlier on that I was to deliver early due to previous concerns. 'Aim to deliver by 37 weeks', was specifically what was written in my red pregnancy record book by Hospital Serdang upon being discharged after the bleeding incident last April.
Which makes today, my most probable last day at work before I go on maternity leave. How time flies! As much as I am excited to meet Baby, I am petrified at the thought of giving birth! Can I do it? Will we be okay? Would it HURT?
Another issue that I have in my mind is, I am pretty much torned between delivering at a government hospital and at a private hospital. I do have faith in the system at Govt. Hosp, the specialists are there, but as far as hospitality goes, I'm not too sure. I don't mean to generalize, but I've heard and read many horror stories, and I don't know if I can go through it. From my short stay at the govt hospital awhile back, despite not having any major traumatic experience, (except for that lousy encounter with the *&^%$ labour room doctor), I know that husbands are not allowed to be besides their wives during the triage stage, and are only called into the labour room once dilation has reached 8 cm and above. Also, epidurals are not given out upon request either.
I admit, I am a big, fat, currently bloated wimp, and I don't know how far my pain threshold is, but I suspect it's close to zero. Furthermore, I don't feel like Baby is already enganged, so I know that I would have to be induced. And we all know that induced contractions are waaayyy worst than natural contractions. As they say, one medical intervention will lead to another. First, they'll have you induced, then they'll have to do an artificial membrane rupture, then they'll up the dose of the drug that causes contraction if progress is still slow, all the while checking how dilated you are thorugh the vaginal exams. Then if you're ready, you'll be asked to push. They'll do an episiotomy and extract the baby out either using a forcep or vacuum if the baby seems stuck. If all else fails, they'll perform a c-section. Yes, I know what I'm getting into. Hence, I hope you would understand where I am coming from.
I like the idea of having someone by my side to go through the labour process, to comfort me, support me, even if nothing else can be done, just be there and witness what I'm going through sympathetically and appreciate the sacrifices made by all women alike. I also want the freedom to request for epidurals should I feel the want to.
But of course, this comes with a price. A steep one at that. Oh, let's just say you're expected to fish out a minimum of RM 5K per delivery. PROVIDED there's no complication, that is. Sigh. I'm not rich. I don't sleep on a bed of money. I don't pee money. Even if I have that kind of money, I can't afford to splurge it around. And certainly not covered by some hip corporate company. I'm just a measly government servant, living off a really tiny wage, struggling to make ends meet. And so is Hubs.
Silly as this sounds, I've had the whole of 37 weeks to think an answer to this question, and yet I still haven't found the answer. We'll just see what tomorrow brings us. Please pray for me and Baby's well doing, and let's all hope that I'd have made up my mind soon. I only have, oh, 13 hours left to decide!